The Beauty of Letting Go, Being Forgiving and Accepting Others

Let it go, let it go
Don't hold it back anymore
Let it go let it go

Each time I hear this song, there is only one thing I can think of that I should let go of- grudges and regrets.
All of us have been through times when we have been hurt by someone or have made mistakes that led to grave consequences. Betrayal, financial setbacks, not being able to sustain a relationship that was dear to you, making hefty decisions or even well thought out ones that didn't produce the desired results- we have all been through that. And all of this is a part of life.

Life is definitely not a cozy bed strewn with roses. Yes you do come across beautiful gardens and serene valleys on this journey but it is not permanent. Nothing in life except for change is constant. Change is bound to happen and is inevitable which id why we have seasons and weathers, ups and downs, lows and highs. All of this is what life is made up of and no matter how hard you try to go forward without hiccups, a few are likely to strike you.
In all such times when things take unexpected and unfortunate twists and when we feel hell has broken loose, we feel hurt, pained and bad. The next step? We are quite likely to hold grudges and regrets and efforts them with time.

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Regrets and Holding on to Grudges Only Bring Us Pain and Misery

Most of the time when we hold a regret, we don't even realize it and unknowingly we keep nurturing it. With deep seated anger and the habit of slipping into negative thinking, we put in our best efforts to grow that seed into a plant. These grudges only grow bigger with time and never let us rest. I know this because like a lot of others, I too had a really bad habit of holding on to painful memories and honestly meditating on them for way too long, often to the extent that they used to drive me nuts.

I had a clash with my mother once and every day like a religious ritual, I sued to think of everything she said to me and how her words hurt me and let them cut me deeper with each passing moment. Honestly, it felt like I was stabbing my heart with a super-sharp knife as slowly as possible and that brought me a pain I can never describe in words. So for about a month, I stayed in misery and used to think about the fight I had with her for hours each day especially when I lied down to sleep each night. The result was terrible. I became an insomniac soon and couldn’t sleep for days. Not only that, but I also grew more irritable and frustrated with each passing day. I got into fights with almost everyone- almost all loved ones. I also noticed that my loved ones started avoiding me because of my bad temper. My baby was about 9 months old then and taking care of him had become more difficult and exhausting for me mainly because my mind was chaotic at that time.

Forgiveness to the Rescue

As I became more accepting than before, I realized that the conflict I had with my mother was nothing but an egoistic issue. I wasn’t willing to accept her viewpoint and she wasn’t doing me the favor either. I analyzed my personality and that of my mother and realized we were quite similar when it came to accepting new ideas. Often, we used to approach things with preconceived notions in our mind. I knew both of us were more capable than that and were great people inside so I ventured on a new mission- to become more accepting and to help my mother become more open and nonjudgmental too. She is amazing and was amazing before too, but she was a little rigid in accepting different viewpoints and was judgmental of things that didn’t align with her beliefs. I had acquired that habit too.

So I talked to her about that conflict we had and told her I was deeply sorry for hurting her and that I’d be more open to different ideas from then forward. I didn’t ask her to do the same for me. One thing I have learned is that if you want to help someone improve in a certain area especially an adult and that too one who is older than you, it is always better to teach them by example instead of lecturing them about it. I knew if I had a whole talk about being nonjudgmental and more forgiving with my mother, she wouldn’t take it easily so I went the other way around.

Each day, I’d be more open with her and was kind with her. In a few weeks, we had happily moved passed our issue and I saw my mother becoming more accepting than me. Now, she is in such a happy state of mind that she is often encouraging me to become more forgiving towards others when I am rigid. I honestly love that woman. She is such an angel!

So by letting go of the pain, grudges and hurt inside of me and by being more forgiving and accepting towards my mother, I slowly mended our strained relationship and went from being a stressed daughter to a happy one who fell more in love with her mother.

This is only one example of how letting go of grudges and being more forgiving and accepting helped me live a better life. I have done the same with my husband and friends, and the results have only been good.

If you are going through a rough patch in your life with a loved one or with yourself, try letting go of the pain and being more forgiving towards that person or yourself if you are having an internal conflict. Whether you are mad at yourself for making a mistake or not doing anything like you wanted to or for not being the person you wish to or for any other reason, just open your heart for forgiveness, understand yourself and be more accepting. Often, we chase things we don’t really want and force ourselves to be like people we don’t really want to be like from within so understand whom you really want to be and be more accepting of that. That realization and the act of being more forgiving and open towards yourself will only improve your life.