I grew up in a family with an affinity for alcohol.
Seeing my parents grow increasingly ridiculous repelled me. My father, in particular, never knew when to stop drinking. He would become so belligerent, that he'd start picking fights with my mother or my older sister. For some reason, I was not a target. It is likely because when I saw the pile of beer cans grow past four, I would take my leave. Later that night, I'd find him passed out on a couch. I'd gently wake the sleeping dragon, so as not to incur his drunken wrath, and urge him off to bed.
So it makes sense, that as a child, I'd grow to hate alcohol.
I even went so far as to say that I would never drink alcohol, which is very similar to that hung-over declaration that "I will never drink again". At age 21, I continued to shun alcoholic beverages, and it wasn't until 23 that my curiosity got the better of me. I had my first drunken experience. To my great surprise, I enjoyed the experience.
I enjoyed it so much, that it became a habit.
I was surrounded by it. At home, my family members would each be holding a bottle of beer or a glass of wine. When I was out with friends, we would almost always be at a bar. When I met Omar, it was at a bar. It got to a point where I felt like I had actually become my father. Nobody wants to admit that they might be struggling with alcoholism. I still don't want to admit it... but I do feel as though I am struggling.
What happened to that young woman who deemed the risks and negative health effects of alcohol consumption to be too high to be worth it?
I don't feel as though this alcohol-addicted woman is really me. When night comes around and I start to feel bored with everything, and I wonder if a bit of a pick-me-up would liven things up, or when I can't fall asleep because my body is struggling to metabolize the sugars... I feel like it isn't really me.
So I've come to the point where I've decided to give up drinking.
For awhile.
Not forever.
Alcohol can still be fun if it is safely consumed on occasion.
Everything in moderation.
But for the next 60 days, I'll be going on a cleanse. Omar has finally woken up to the damaging effects of excessive sugar consumption, and has decided to give up sugars for this time, which of course means no alcohol. This is my moment. With this support, I will find myself again. It is time that I regained control. It is time that I steered myself back to my original path, toward my goals of living a healthy life. It is time that rediscover who I really am.
It certainly isn't easy to come out and publicly share this, but if I continue to bear the weight all alone, my chances of success dramatically drop. It sucks to say it, but I could really use some support.
Wish me luck.