A couple of days ago I posted an article entitled: STEEMIT...ONE BIG ASS KISSING CONTEST? read it here: @mistermercury/steemit-one-big-ass-kissing-contest
I was pretty bummed out that day (pun intended). I had run out of Chapstick. My lips were so dry from excessive ass kissing that I went thru my one tube of lip salvation sooner than anticipated and I was a little upset. You understand don't you? Butt truly, I was having a bad day. Discouraged.
I mean ass Newbies, redfish, and minnows one of the first things we learn is that one must kiss ass here. I've been looking for a tutorial from @minnowsupport and @minnowhelper and @minnowKMA but didn't find any real good specific information on this topic. Obviously an oversight. But maybe not. Maybe the real secrets to success are kept, well...secret.
So I ventured out on my own into the wild waters of Steemit. I found some whales but saw they had THOUSANDS of minnows and even dolphins, lined up, lips all greased, waiting and trying to kiss ass. How could I possibly compete? My little kiss would be lost in a whirlwind of sound from thousands of smacking lips. So then I looked around for some Dolphin ass to kiss. And found a couple, but still thousands lined up. I mean its a real problem. What to do?
And really, don't you think the Whales and Dolphins have plenty of protection built up? They probably have to wear something like the old chastity belts to protect themselves. (Hmnnn...there's an idea! Maybe I could come up with a line of Butt protection salves, devices and coverings and sell them to Whales! I knew there was a way to make money here on Steemit!) I mean whenever they do venture onto their blogs they probably have to wear ear plugs to be able to concentrate because of the smacking noise. Oh, sure, like the conquering Roman Generals who paraded on the streets of Rome, Whales and Dolphins do throw coins to the hungry peasants. And I've even caught a few! And I know some of the Whales and Dolphins and others genuinely care and want to help people ascend the heights, attain victory, overcome the currents, learn to swim and essentially learn to thrive in the Ocean of Steemit. Butt more is needed. Thus: THE FIRST ASS KISSING CONTEST.
So won't someone help us!! I mean I've tried comments on Whale and Dolphin blogs like this: "Great Post. Please Follow!!", and my favorite, "Listen closely! That smacking sound is me. Please Follow." Butt I met with limited success. I'm kind of stumped.
I heard this from a fellow Steemian the other day, "STEEMIT gives me a sense of wonder. I wake up in the morning and wonder what the hell I'm going to do now!"
Newbies very quickly learn there are lots of contests out there designed to help people get some exposure. Butt there has never been a contest on how to perfect one's ass kissing. So here it is, your chance to shine. An opportunity of historic proportions, your way to bless the Steemit community. Your chance to gloss those lips and show us how its done.
THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS TO WIN!!
#1 FIRST WAY TO WIN:
You can choose one of the asses I show here and tell us why you chose it and what AK'ing technique you used that is exceptional in it's application. You may submit poetry, pictures, written advice, even humor. Though I'm trying to keep this very serious!!
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ASS # 1
ASS #2
ASS #3 (These asses got a little excited about the contest! You can choose either ass)
#2 SECOND WAY TO WIN:
You can submit a pic of any ass you choose (There is a boundary here. No porn. No disrespect to women. No pics or puns of political figures. Bummer. Really. No kidding.) and tell us the special AK'ing strategies you used to win it's attention.
#3 THIRD WAY TO WIN
For those who want to be a bit more seriass about this contest and offer genuine advice, you can describe the special strategies you use to get into groups, find community, and/or get the attention of Whales, Dolphins and special souls who are neither of those but are willing to lend a hand to others, like my good friend @wwf of Terra Mater.
- Upvote. You don't have to resteem but that would be appreciated.
- In your comments below paste a link to your post/entry.
- Tag your entry: asskissingcontest as your first tag.
- Submit your entry prior to 9:00 AM GMT Friday March 23rd.
PRIZES
1st prize: 3 SBD will be awarded along with the title of ROYAL ASS KISSER
2nd prize: 2 SBD will be awarded along with the title of CHAMPION ASS KISSER
3rd prize 1 SBD will be awarded along with the title of SUPER LIPS
Honorable mention: a free tube of Chapstick or you can also choose a pic of myself kissing ass, and you can use what ever honorific you want.
NOTE: I am sure there will be contestants who think their entry should win, but they don't. I don't want anyone to go away mad so I will give you the opportunity to kiss my ass. Could not resist. Mia culpa. 20 lashes. Bread and water only for one week and so on.
Now for those who need some motivation I've included a tutorial of sorts on kissing. This should get you in the mood.
0K THATS ALL THERE IS TOO IT. Now some of you may be wondering if this is a real contest and I ass ure you it is. The winners will be resteemed and promoted.
I am the sole ASS KISSING CONTEST JUDGE and JURY. Now go forth and give us your best. Really.
