Challenges, Priorities and Possibilities: Blocktrades /Writers Block Write Your Own Ticket Giveaway

First of all, I think it's super awesome there will be several ways of winning a ticket to the Steemfest, even if it isn't me who ends up winning it. Whoever takes the cake, I'm happy for.

With that out of the way, let's start.

The task of this entry was to talk about, no other than the self. And not about any that can be observed through the filters we put onto ourselves, but the "real self" as was adviced.

I, like any other, have stories painted with descriptions of myself in my head, and for this exact reason – they're in my head – I find it a bit challenging to give a description of me, because it's easy to become blind to one's own behavior from a subjective perspective. "How does my behavior affect other people?"

But, it doesn't mean I don't have some picture of myself in my head, it just means that I'm open to the option that what I think of myself might not be exactly what seems to other people AND whatever I seem to be, might be due to a change in the future.

But it actually goes the other way around too: sometimes people don't have any idea what goes in my head if I don't make myself clear, which usually doesn't happen especially if experiencing anxiety... which I'm quite familiar with. So much that it has prevented me to confront people in a normal day-to-day manner.
I remember one particularly traumatizing event from my childhood when I was supposed to be left on some day club in an event – just for the day – but I simply couldn't do it. I just couldn't handle being left there alone. Then later I just remember crying hysterically while eating frankfurter mashed potatoes. Yes, I remember the exact food onto which I poured my tears: mashed potatoes with pieces of frankfurters in it, prepared food. It didn't make it easier that I remember feeling my mom being disappointed about the case, whether it's actually true or just my memory playing tricks.
I don't know what went wrong with my childhood to end up like that – by the observations of my grandfather when I was 4 years old I used to be very proactive with others, unknown kids. I guess self-consciousness started to kick in around that time. I'm not actually too sure anymore if those two memories were even of the same day or just mashed into one. Still, better remember something than nothing and push the traumas away, so that they can be worked out rather than be on the sleeve of unconscious whispers manifested as Freudian slips.

Now that I've had my psycho-analysis done to myself and better understanding my behavior (hopefully), I guess now is a good time to answer the question of 'what the hell am I doing here at Steemit?'

First it was all about the money, like with all of us – "get rewarded for quality content" – but the more I've spent time here it has become more about the people, community, especially when I managed to find and create connections to other Steemians, thanks to the chat group with the original name of 'Danger Zone' that I got introduced to. If it wasn't for the people I've found here, I most likely wouldn't have kept on with this, and I think that is what unfortunately happens to a lot of new people; they can't find the right people, therefore ending in a position where Steem starts to only feel like a job, resulting to cut the ropes and quitting.

Sorry, I didn't actually answer the question (yet).

Mostly I would think myself as a writer, because most of my doings here are writings of 'things' – hence why I decided to participate in this contest. Though I've experimented with a lot of things, like photography (with my amateur gear that consists of a smartphone), music and videos, so I'm not a "jack of one trade", but rather take on whatever seems interesting to me – also in my writing.

I initially considered whether I should take part of this in the first place since I thought there probably is someone else in a more difficult spot to whom a free ticket would provide more assistance than me. That is not to say that it wouldn't help me – it would, a lot, since I am not wealthy, and I'm ready to go to quite extreme measures to come to the SteemFest 3 in any case, win or not, it's just a matter of setting priorities straight to be able to come there – I already exchanged some fiat for STEEM for the ticket, in case I do not win. If I do, well, then I will have more STEEM to power up!
^{Still waiting for the ticket prices though that still haven't been announced.}

In the end I decided to take part of this anyway, because it's not my job to start thinking who deserves and what – that is for judges to decide so, I will do my best and see where it goes.

Why do you want to attend Steemfest?

Like said, I was already part of a smaller meetup, and while I was bit scared to meet the people in real life, it turned out to be a blast, becoming an experience that further teared down the walls that had kept me trapped – social anxiety.

^{Even at high school I was afraid just to knock on the door to ask a teacher to borrow the keys to open the music class...}

Luckily those days are gone and I'm now in control of my anxiety and no longer afraid of interaction with other people. The validation from positive experiences has shown me that there indeed is nothing to be afraid of, and now I'm actually more like excited to meet others, especially all the Steemians in Poland at Steemfest!

I am not exactly sure what I could offer other Steemians outside of my company. I'm not the most social creature, but that is mostly due to people with whom I'm quite picky, because most of the people I just don't find interesting to talk with. Luckily Steem seems to have a particularly high concentration of cool people so I'm quite sure sparking up a conversation isn't as hard as in a family gathering where you don't have any other common ground than DNA.

But I guess getting better to know people face-to-face would build a stronger connection to them, and thus make the staying with Steem just a tiny bit more worthwhile for me, and others.

The number one challenge, like with many of us, is money – or rather the lack thereof. I do have money, but not to spill around – I don't want to be completely broke after the Steemfest. I have ideas how I will be able to save a lot of money, but that involves methods that aren't quite straightforward as just taking a flight and a train, so I'm already expecting there will be challenges along the way, but some of them probably cannot be thought beforehand even though I'm constantly running simulations of scenarios in my head. Some will come unexpectedly so, the only thing I can really do is to reserve enough error margin time for the anticipated unforeseen.
^{But, more about that will probably appear sometime with a #roadtosteemfest freewrite.}

I think that's it for me. Remember to check out the contest – still two days left until 23.8 MIDNIGHT EST to participate!