Smoking. Again. I think it's the second day completely without cigarettes. Good time to call this. I've got about 20 euros till the end of the month and smoking is too expensive. Why did i start again when did.. This is sort of the hard part but i've been through it a few times. Just a couple of days to get past the anxiety and shit. The difficulty is letting yourself feel all that, but allowing to do so will get you through it. Not being around people makes this a lot easier. Even without this going on, being around people can be stressing for me. Isn't it the thought of losing control in front of others that is the worst? Try time so the worst days hit during the weekend. Keeping yourself distracted will help through the time. Now is time to bingewatch that tv-series you been saving up, play a game, or draw like shit. It's so hard to focus. It's the thing that makes you bounce up in the middle of a sentence for that little something.. this time i find myself eating something. We'll have to deal with that later.
So after a week or two it should be pretty easy handle. You'll get the little itch from time to time. Maybe your friends are going outside for a smoke. You can go out with them, it's cool. Just don't take a cigarette if they offer. That is going to be one of the pitfalls. Maybe you won't break from one cigarette but it's going to be easier to take the next one and before you know it you're back in it. Smoking is a social event(even when you are alone) and there is pressure to it. Part of it's you belonging to the circle and part of it is others wanting to share their habit with you. Whenever i pick it up it somehow seems to relate to a social situation. Blame other people when you can.
Second pitfall is being with your friends, getting drunk and then smoking. I don't know what to tell you, i can not be without smoking when i drink. So guess the thing is to not drink too much. Don't worry about it, just don't smoke the next day and start over from step one.
Third pitfall is going to see either of your dysfunctional parents. Yeah. Pick up that meditation again and hope for the best. Don't stay too long. Plan your visits. Maybe once in a year or two is good pace. You're 35 it's too late to get adopted.
Just mind your body and enjoy the positive benefits. Walking up that hill where you live with out getting out of breath and saving all that money. Yeah, i could really have one now. Tomorrow is going to be easier, maybe i get some better quality work done too.