You live a borrowed happiness. As if on credit. Someone’s else happiness. The smile on their faces, the warmth of the presence of their dear ones. Of being thrilled with their joys and celebration moments. Wanting to be happy with someone else’s happiness.
They share it with you without even realizing the weight that the words have on you. The images you build around them. The emotions they pour over you. A mirror, you are a mirror. You live from this, you live like this. With tears coming up to your eyes whenever you think that, should you mean much, in fact, you represent nothing in this scenario.
The hope that keeps rising onto your skin. Waiting, always waiting.
For the day happiness will fall into your lap. And warm your chest.
You want to see, and you don’t want to, you want to know, and you don’t want to.
You truly want to thrill with them. Support them in their victories, even if you are not present. Without being there, without living them.
To lay the chest and lend a hand in the defeats, theirs and yours.
No, you're not there.
With heaviness in your chest, you want not wanting.
Wanting them and not wanting.
Wishing and not wishing them.
Good.
Isabel
www.isabelnolasco.com
Photos: #frommybalcony, Lisbon, Portugal.
Taken with my Canon EOS 5D MKIII, edited with Lightroom.
Have a wonderful week ahead, my friends.
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