You say you will, but will you?

‘I’ll do that tomorrow’, ‘I’m going to do that next week’, ‘Oh yes I’ll get round to that soon’, ‘I’ll call you next week’, ‘I’ll have that report to you by Wednesday Mr Smith’.

You may say these things, but the same time that little voice is slapping you on the forehead with a wet gurnard saying ‘No, you won’t!’ Why is that?

Well, in short, your internal world and external world are in conflict.

There. Easy. Well, actually, not that easy. Let me explain.

Fallibility, no one is immune

We are all fallible, all of us, to this conflict. Even those you may hold in the highest regard have it. But why say something and not do it? It makes no sense. No sense for building trust. No sense for building credibility. Just no sense at all. It’s bonkers. Worse still it can be quite destructive in relationships – any relationship. So why is there an epidemic?

This post is primarily about one thing. Being honest and authentic. First with yourself, then with others around you, irrespective of the consequences.

So why do people say that they will then don’t? Well here are some explanations or excuses, depending on which way you look at it:

• Rejection avoidance.
• Truth avoidance.
• Not wanting to ‘let people down’.
• Believing ‘I’m best off telling them what they want to hear’.
• Believing ‘Ah they won’t remember I said I would’ (newsflash: they will!).
• They have always done it, so it is a (disastrous) behavioral norm or habit.

When you don’t follow through it is like another drip of battery acid on the trust equation (Trust = Credibility + Reliability + Consistency/ Self Orientation). And there are some folk out there who give you one shot. I mean who can trust folk who don’t follow through? Exactly.

So why would you consciously choose this position?

‘I'll ring you’. Ever find yourself watching the words come out your mouth when knowing full well you won't. Like after that first date that you know won’t go anywhere but you still utter, ‘I’ll call you’. This is called direct rejection avoidance; who wants to be blown out face to face? Nasty.

People choose this generally as they are being circumstantially controlled by their fears. Fears of the truth. Fears of themselves. Fears that they will not be in control when they let someone down or give them bad news face to face. People also choose this position out of plain old weakness of character. Who wants to be around someone who is weak?

Whatever the reason(s), it can’t and won’t build positive outcomes.

Let's take a look at accountability

Accountability: “The obligation of an individual or organisation to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner. It also includes the responsibility for money or other entrusted property.”

In the  small and medium-sized businesses sector (SME) the lack of accountability among business owners can be deadly. Looking at blokes for a minute, the typical SME business owner is the man about town. I mean he owns and runs the show, right? He’s cock of the walk. But with freedom comes responsibility and the stats make pitiful reading in the Western world for SME failure. A major contributing factor – and this is well researched – is the absence of business owner accountability. And there are a plethora of reasons as to why this is so.

You see, for some, the execution of true accountability requires a smidgen of fear to oil the cogs. It is remarkable what a pipette squeeze of fear can do to drive compliance – compliance to deliver what is needed to get you on the next rung of your goal delivery ladder. Doing what is needed. Doing what you say. And let’s not be naive and talk of selfaccountability. In my view this is just not possible.

Most well balanced and moral individuals detest letting people down, so the accountability model rubs that out by having a higher order relationship to hold you accountable to yourself, your values even. That is, working actively towards delivering your goals.

Can you be accountable? Can you be held to do what you say you are going to do?

Some tits

So cutting to the chase, here are my tips for avoiding saying things that you won’t follow through on:

1. Get real.
2. Get honest.
3. Get accountable.
4. Get to the way of thinking that if you say something and don’t do it, it is actually like bloodletting your business.
5. Get in the habit of writing your commitments down and ticking them off, even the throw-away ‘I’ll call you(s)’!

Sort it out. Do what you say you are going to do today and for the rest of your life – safe in the knowledge that by doing so you are building yourself to a higher level of authenticity and trust.