How Pappa Pepper and Monster Truck the Pepper got their wild hogs -...

Have you ever wondered how Pappa Pepper got his wild hogs? Well it’s a tale worth telling, so take a seat and get comfortable, and I’ll tell you all about how Pappa Pepper and Monster Truck the Pepper caught some of the wildest hogs in the state.

Pappa Pepper vs the wild hogs
image credit

Pappa Pepper and Monster Truck the Pepper pulled into the yard and got out of the truck. The air was cold and their breath made clouds of fog when they spoke.

As they walked over to where Pappa Pepper was making a pen to hold the wild hogs, their feet crunched on the frosty ground.

The pen was quite large and surrounded on three sides by a strong wire fence, higher than Monster Truck the Pepper’s head. It was surely big enough to keep the small wild hogs from getting away, if they caught any.

Pappa Pepper showed Monster Truck the Pepper how the gate worked, and how when the hogs pushed against the gate to get at the corn they used as bait, the gate would lean in a bit and let them through. But when they tried to get back out, the gate wouldn’t bend in that direction, so they would be stuck in the pen.

It was a clever idea and Pappa Pepper was sure it would work, if only they could get the hogs to go after the corn.

With it being hard into winter now, the hogs would be getting hungry so they’d likely love to get their snouts into some ripe old corn.

Monster Truck the Pepper squeezed through the gate carrying a pail full of corn, and walked to the far end of the pen. Then he carefully tipped out a small pile of corn every couple of steps as he walked back to the gate.

The pail was heavy and it was hard for him to hold it up and not drop all of the corn at once, but he was strong for his age and determined to do a good job for his dad. So he carefully walked back across the frozen ground, his breath leaving puffs of steam as he went. Almost as if he was Monster Train the Pepper.

Almost all of the corn was gone by the time he got back to the gate and Papa Pepper held it open for him to slip through.

“That’s a good job, son” said Pappa Pepper. “Now all we need to do is find them hogs and tell them where the corn is. Do you think they’ll come if we tell them?”

Off in the distance they could hear some snorting and oinking as the hogs found a juicy patch of mushrooms and pushed each other to try and get the biggest ones.

Monster Truck the Pepper shivered a bit because it was really cold. “I think we should sit in the truck and wait for them” he said.

Pappa Pepper looked across the brown scrubby grass to where he could see the mini bulldozers digging up the ground to find more mushrooms and said “Well, son, that could take all day. Why don’t you go sit in the truck and keep warm for a bit. I’m going to go around behind them and see if I can shoo them a bit more this way.”

He looked down at Monster Truck the Pepper’s red cheeks and felt the icy breeze on his own face.

He could do with a nice hot cup of coffee about now, and Mamma Pepper made the best coffee ever. So he said “If I can’t get them to come over this way pretty quick, then we’ll go back home and get warm, ok?”

Monster Truck the Pepper smiled and said “Ok, dad.” He was glad to be getting back in the truck where it was warmer than outside. And if they went back home it would be even warmer, so he was happy about that.

But he did want to see the little hogs in the pen he build with his dad, so he didn’t want to go too soon.

“Alright, you wait in the truck and I’ll be back soon” said Pappa Pepper as he walked off to the left so he could make a big circle and get behind the hogs.

The cold air ruffled his beard as he walked crouched over a little so he could hide from the hogs. He didn’t want them to see him yet. The cold, hard ground made walking difficult and his toes were getting quite nippy. He would be happy to go back home and have that coffee.

Monster Truck the Pepper walked back to the truck and pulled on the door handle on his side, but the door wouldn’t open. He tugged it again, really hard this time, but it still stayed stuck. He was determined to get out of the cold, so he put the pail down and walked around to the other side of the truck to try the driver’s side door.

It was stuck too!

Oh no!

Monster Truck the Pepper was stuck out in the cold and his dad was off somewhere trying to chase the hogs into the pen.
What should he do?

Just then he heard a snort. It came from the other side of the truck.

Monster Truck the Pepper stopped and listened.

There is was again. It sounded like a hog. Maybe Pappa Pepper had already chased them into the pen.

Carefully, trying not to make any noise, Monster Truck the Pepper walked around the front of the truck and looked across the yard.

There was a group of about ten small hogs rummaging in the dirt, snorting and snuffling as they dug into the ground with their noses.

Monster Truck the Pepper looked around but he couldn’t see Pappa Pepper anywhere.

So he picked up the pail and waked slowly into the yard. The hogs looked up from their snuffling and sniffed at him. Monster Truck the Pepper took a handful of corn, there was only a few handfuls left in the pail, and threw the corn on the ground between him and the pigs.

They oinked and snorted and trotted over to see what Monster Truck the Pepper had thrown for them. Once they realised it was food, they eagerly began chomping it up, pushing and shoving each other out of the way to get the most corn they could.

Monster Truck the Pepper walked over towards the pen and threw another handful of corn on the ground. The hogs squealed in delight and raced to be the first one to get to the new pile and gobble it up.

They were all dark brown and black and hairy, and pink noses with little beady eyes. Their ears dropped and they walked, making them look a little silly. Steam rose from their backs as they rubbed against each other and butted heads trying to get the corn.

Monster Truck the Pepper dropped his last handful of corn just inside the gate of the pen and then stepped out of the way so the hogs could get to it. They walked up eagerly and began pushing on the gate, but it wouldn’t open enough for them to get through.

They began to look for something else to eat and Monster Truck the Pepper was afraid they’d get away, so he walked over to the gate and pushed on it.

The gate was bigger than he was but he managed to move it enough for the first hog to wriggle his way through. The other hogs didn’t want to get left out and miss all that corn in the pen, so they scrambled to be the next through the gate.

They oinked and snorted as they went past Monster Truck the Pepper as if to say “thanks mate.”

Soon all of the hogs were in the pen, busily gobbling up the corn as fast as they could.

From off through the long grass Monster Truck the Pepper thought he could hear another hog. This one sounded a bit bigger, and it didn’t sound happy.

Pappa Pepper was crawling through the long grass looking for the hogs that seemed to have disappeared, when he heard a snort just in front of him. He stopped and carefully pulled a bunch of grass to one side so he could see what was on the other side.

He found himself staring into the face of a huge wild hog, one that didn’t look happy about having his dinner disturbed. He was shaggy and black, with stiff bristles of hair running down his back. His ears looked like they had been chewed on and scars covered his face and shoulders.

This was a hog who liked to get into fights, because he always won.

He glared at Pappa Pepper angrily and stomped a hoof.

Pappa Pepper knew that being this close to a wild hog was not a good thing. He looked at the huge tusks sticking out the side of the hog’s mouth, and wished he had bought his 30.06 rifle from the truck.

Being careful not to snap a twig or do anything to startle the hog, Pappa Pepper backed away slowly, too slowly.

The hog decided that it was startled anyway and Papp Pepper was going to have to pay for disturbing his meal. With a loud bellow it charged at Pappa Pepper, swinging his head from side to side to try and gore Pappa Pepper with his tusks.

Now Pappa Pepper couldn’t outrun the hog, especially going backwards. He couldn’t jump to the side because the hog could turn on a dime and it would still get him. Papa Pepper was left with no options, so he did the only think he could do, he jumped UP!

The hog kept coming and was right underneath Pappa Pepper when gravity pulled him back down. The hog let out a started grunt as Pappa Pepper landed on his back. It looked left and right, but his floppy ears got in the way and it couldn’t see anything.

The hog let out a loud squeal and charged off in the direction he was facing, trying to get the heavy weight off his back.
Pappa Pepper found himself lying on the hog’s back with his head between the hog’s ears. When it took off, he lost his balance and reached out for something to hold onto. His hands found the hog’s tusks and he gripped them tightly.

He bounced and bumped across the field towards the yard. The long grass whipped at his face and the cold wind made his nose run, but he couldn’t do anything about that right now. All he could do was hold on and hope he didn’t fall off.

The hog burst into the yard and ran bellowing across the open space. Papa Pepper looked up to see Monster Truck the Pepper standing by the gate to the pen with the empty pail in his hand.

As the hog ran past, Pappa Pepper called out to his son, “I found a big one. I’ll get him into the pen and then we can go home.” The hog charged past Monster Truck the Pepper without slowing down.

It ran out to the road and then turned and headed back towards the long grass, passing Monster Truck the Pepper as he went. Pappa pepper called out again as he swept past “Any minute now son.”

The hog ran right past the pen and turned sharply nearly throwing Pappa Pepper off. It headed for a stack of timber, charging with its head down like a mad bull charging a red rag.

Pappa Pepper looked up and felt his heart skip a beat. The hog was heading for a hole in the timber pile that would let the hog through, but not Pappa Pepper.

Pappa Pepper was about to get a bad case of log-in-the-face.

He thought about jumping off, but he knew if he did that the hog would turn on him. And it might go after Monster Truck the Pepper too, so he held on tightly and prayed that he would get skinny in the next few seconds.

His prayers must have been answered because he burst out the other side of the timber pile still clinging to the wild hog’s back. Happy to have survived, Pappa Pepper looked over his shoulder at the retreating timber pile and marvelled at how he could have made it through such a small gap.

He turned back to the front just in time to get smacked in the face by a low hanging branch. His mouth was filled with crunchy leaves that had been dead for a while, and a worm that hadn’t.

He coughed and spluttered and spat the leaves out, and half of the worm.

Desperately he pulled on the left hand tusk and the hog turned left a bit. He pulled on it some more, putting his body weight to one side, the hog turned and headed back towards the yard.

“Ok”, thought Papa Pepper, “I can steer him now. All I have to do is aim for the pen.”

He lined up the pen between the hog’s ears and tugged left and right to line the hog up. It kept charging across the frozen ground like a runaway steam train, huffing and oinking.

The hog saw Monster Truck the Pepper and dodged to the right, aiming once more for the road. As they went past, Pappa Pepper’s son, who is always helpful shouted “Should I get the 30.06 dad?”

“Not right now” Pappa Pepper called back. “I think I’m getting the hang of it.”

The hog ran onto the road and slipped a little on the icy surface. Pappa Pepper took the chance to pull on a tusk and turn the hog back towards the pen.

Monster Truck the Pepper walked around to the side of the pen to watch the smaller hogs cleaning up the last of the corn. They didn’t seem too bothered by a big hog running around with a Pappa Pepper on its back. In fact they seemed quite happy.

Monster Truck the Pepper looked up to see is dad riding the big hog back into the yard, he was trying to steer it, but the hog had other ideas. Its eyes were red and its face was angry. It looked like it was going to try the timber pile again.

It went charging over the large mound of manure intent on smashing Pappa Pepper to smithereens against the wood.

But Pappa Pepper had other ideas. He slipped to the side and pulled hard on a tusk, spinning the hog around and sending it hurtling towards the gate of the pen. It charged down the pile of manure throwing up great big smelly mounds of dirt.

With a crash it hit the gate and Pappa Pepper was thrown into the air. He lost his grip on the tusks and the hog, as he sailed through the air and landed on his back inside the hog pen.

He lay there for a couple of seconds trying to figure out which way was up. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring up at that face again – the hog with the huge tusks was standing over him, drooling a little.

Pappa Pepper tried to remember what had happened and why he was lying on the cold ground with a mad hog looking down at him. He felt something nibbling at his boots and looked towards his feet.

There was a group of small hogs all shuffling forward, snuffling and nibbling at his legs to see if they tasted good.

Pappa Pepper considered his options.

The situation was not good.

He was lying on the ground surrounded by hungry hogs. The granddaddy hog was very upset with him for some reason, and looked like he was about to bite Pappa Pepper’s head off.

As the hog opened his mouth to take a big bite, Papa Pepper did the only thing he could do, he jumped up and leapt to his left. He hoped it would be enough for him to clear the fence and get away.

And it nearly was.

His leg caught on the top of the fence and he tumbled head over heels and landed on his bottom beside the pen.

He sat there looking at the hogs in the pen. There seemed to be quite a lot of them.

Monster Truck the Pepper walked over to his dad and said “Are you all right dad?”

Pappa Pepper smiled at his son and said “I reckon I am.” He put his arm around his son’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.

“Well you got the big hog dad, just like you said you would” said Monster Truck the Pepper. “I only got the small ones.”

Pappa Pepper looked again at the pen and realised his son was right.

He looked at Monster Truck the Pepper and smiled.

“Next time” he said, ‘I think we’ll do it your way.”

Monster Truck the Pepper smiled too, and then Pappa Pepper got to his feet and said, “Let’s go home and get that coffee huh?”

And that’s how Pappa Pepper and Monster Truck the Pepper got their hogs.

This story was inspired by an excellent post from our very own @pappa-pepper about his attempts to catch some wild hogs.
The image is from his post, go and check it out, it's worth a read.