Welcome to Punday Monday!

If you’re new here, pull up a stool, order a lempunade, and get to know some of the regulars! I’m your puntender, @improv.
You can jump in any time, and if you aren’t sure how to make a pun, here’s a handy dandy guide:
@improv/puns-and-prizes-learn-to-pun-easy-fun-anybody-can-be-a-hit-at-parties

(Please note, to be eligible to win a prize, your pun must be your original work - coincidentally making the same joke as someone else is tolerated, but you should really read the other puns here before making your joke and see if someone else has already made it ;D. To be eligible for prizes, puns must be on-topic!)

If you’re an oldtimer, welcome back! Get to know some of the whippersnappers, here, we have a special mixed drink for you on the house:
(How do necromancers toast their dead relatives? By raising their spirits. Cheers!)

And since you’re an oldtimer, you might be interested in the results of our first annual best pun contest:
@freewritehouse/punday-monday-year-one-day-awards-ceremony

If you’re an any-timer, old or whipper, make sure you visit @freewritehouse! There you can meet fellow lovers of goofiness and find even more contests every week! We’re also now featured in the @steembasicincome contest round-up! Find more opportunities to win SBI there!

Hang on to your punderwear...

There’s no business like show business, so let’s show you the business we’re dealing with today!

Here’s last week’s post, and all the puns that were eligible to win this week are in the comments!
@improv/punday-monday-70-come-one-come-all-to-win-loads-of-sbi-also-halloween-comedy-open-mic-round-35

Rookie of the Week

@corpsvalues for showing his work! Hooray! Glad to have you!

Pocket Choice awards

Every Friday, I put up a post to solicit audience favorites! They can vote on their favorites by sending POCKET to whomever they want to win. This week’s post is here:
@improv/pocket-friday-for-punday-monday-qvot1dvi

This week’s winner will win a #steembasicincome share, courtesy of @freedomshift and #ccc. He sponsors an SBI award for our #ccc qualified contest posts, and he asked me to post this:
This is an Invitation to join #ccc for Guaranteed Daily Income and Payout for Newbies (2.0) in #ccc and Follow the Honor Code - the Creed (Conditions and Limits Inside)
AND
the latest update <<< please click to read.

And 2 more SBI shares from the @improv account, thanks to our sponsorship by @curie!

@doctorcrypto won because both @paul.atreides AND @coinsandchains chose him! You could be choosing these winners! Check out the feed every Friday to find out how! You can get some POCKET to vote with, easy peasy! @paul.atreides has accepted his task! If you want to vote on your favorite pun, but you don’t have any POCKET to do it with, he’ll send you some. Just ask in a memo or message!

The folks in the POCKET Choice winner's circle Season One were are @aloha-creations, @professorbromide, @tcpolymath, @miniature-tiger, @lilygolightly, @chrisroberts, @stinawog, @f3nix, @doctorcrypto, @heroic15397, @littlescribe, @diebitch, @acolucky, @ablaze, and @paul.atreides.

Season Two POCKET Choice Winner’s Circle:
@ablaze, @coinsandchains, @dollarsandsense, @doctorcrypto

and our grand prize…

The prize for best pun

Best pun of the entire week

Best Overall Pun

DRUMROLL, PLEASE

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.

.

For the entire thread of quick puns! Though many other punsters sorely tempted me. Aw, heck, SBI for everyone who made a qualifying pun!

And what prizes do they win, you ask?

Why, as usual, all the punsters got full strength upvotes on their submissions (and SBI this time!). (WORTH $0.002! So much value!)

Our category winners will each get to choose a post (of their own or someone else's) and I will give that post a fully powered upvote -let me know in a comment here- and a @tipu tip!

And they all get big, exciting SBI prizes!

(@doctorcrypto, you’ll get your one more SBI for the POCKET Choice award from @freedomshift!)

This week's pun topic is...

Mortician!

As in,
When the asthmatic mortician got stuck under a pile of urns, how did he die ironically? Coughin’.

Bada-bing, You BEEN PUNNED! See, because “coughin’” sounds like “Coffin” which is another implement for holding dead people, but he was stuck under urns, not coffins… This may be a misuse of the word ironically, but do you really care that much?

Perfect,

I'm so good at puns....

If you've never punned before, it might seem like magic! You can do it, too! Learn how in My Free How-To Guide on Punning!

Who do I nominate for @comedyopenmic’s comedy challenge? This past week’s winners, @jk6276, @doctorcrypto, and @corpsvalues...

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And, as long as I have your attention… well, this place is already saturated with people who have referral codes for various “free money” things, but here are mine!

Coinbase: Cryptocurrency investment- https://www.coinbase.com/join/5929c0788331aa072d9e347e
(Hot tip, I buy BTC on pro.coinbase.com, then send it to bittrex to trade for Steem and send steem to my wallet here. It’s the most efficient way with the fewest fees I’ve found. If you’ve found better, let me know. - I learned from someone else that buying LTC and sending it to bittrex then trading it for BTC then trading that for STEEM is the least-fees way. Can someone confirm?)
Robinhood: investment platform buying/selling stocks- http://share.robinhood.com/brendaw92
Earn.com: small tasks for small rewards (need a business or .edu email) - http://earn.com/improv/referral/?a=qmk07e7tzua677hk
Mannabase: sign up for universal basic income distribution funded by cryptocurrency- https://www.mannabase.com/?ref=3984bea863
Swift: Yet another attempt at a UBI: https://www.swiftdemand.com/?referred_by=lochleinn

And, if you’re interested in more traditional investing, Swell, which invests in stocks that have a positive social impact according to their standards, has a referral program whereby they’ll match your first $50 investment: https://www.swellinvesting.com/signup/d4b97d