This story was written as a part of a writing prompt contest, found here.
It started, like everything with actors, at an audition. Mortimer Jones was trying out for Equus, in the role of Alan Strang. Although, he didn't get the part, he fell in love with the play and came back to see it for each of its 16 performances.
At first, it didn't seem like a big deal, after all, Equus was a world renowned play and Mortimer wasn't the first actor to dream of playing Alan. He memorized the role and was eventually asked to leave his acting workshop, when he attempted to undress to do a reading from the script, since parts of the play were originally staged in the nude.
"Dude, you took your pants off in a room with twenty-five people," his best friend, Dan Bishop reminded him.
"Well, acting is all about vulnerability, you wouldn't understand," Mortimer said.
"Why? Mortimer, why wouldn't I understand?"
"You're not a real actor, that's all," Mortimer said.
"Why? Because I gave up on going to auditions every day and took a job? Look, I've been to fifteen auditions this month, no one's casting me, but you know, that one performance you had off Broadway as the understudy for the bus driver in Speed the Musical, that's being a real actor, huh?" Dan said. "You should hear yourself, Mort, you really should. Besides, you know I started film classes. I'm more of a director really."
But Mortimer wasn't listening. They were sitting in a bar in Brooklyn, in the bottom floor of an old brownstone, and outside a horse carriage had stopped. Mort was drooling as he stared at the bedraggled white mare.
"Dude, what is your problem?" Joey asked. "Guys, take a look at this, I think Mort's slipped a cog or something, he's been making eyes at that horse for five minutes. Man, go to the stables, Central Park, you can "ride" one."
Mortimer turned to Dan.
"You ever get the feeling you were meant to be something else?" he asked.
"Sure, like rich and famous," Dan joked. "Or gorgeous, with pecks and a chiseled six pack?"
Mortimer lifted his chin toward the equine visitor, "No, like that. Like you're trapped in the wrong body."
"Dammit Dan, put your camera away!" Caroline said."What did you just say Mortimer Jones?" she asked.
She had known Mortimer since grade school. They were practically siblings.
"Is this going to be like that time you followed Woody Allen home?" Caroline asked. "Mort, do I need to call Judith? Are you taking your medications? Seriously, Dan, if you don't turn that off and put it in your pocket, I'm going to give it to you as an enema."
Dan reluctantly snapped one still and slipped the phone into his pocket.
Judith was Mortimer's mother, who's basement he lived in. Of course, as he always pointed out, it was a legally separated, sublet basement apartment with it's own walkdown.
"No, and yes, I take them," Mortimer said. "That's not it. But Equus really stirred something up in me."
"Which part, like the worshipping horses part, or the part where the guy wanted to make it with one?" Dan was laughing. Caroline punched him.
"Shut up, Dan, I think this could be serious," Caroline said.
"Look, I don't know why you're all being so specist about it. I thought you were open minded people, right, like Lenny," Mortimer said. "Surely, you get what I'm saying?"
Lenny looked up, her blonde wig swinging just over the shoulder, exactly the way she liked it.
"Look, Morty baby, just cause I'm pre-op don't mean I understand no freaky feelings for horses. You're on your own there. There's a reason people say stuff like, 'long as it don't involve children, or farm animals, it's none of my business' you work out your own stuff, don't be dragging me into this," Lenny said.
Mortimer left the bar and wasn't seen until four days later.
"Stop the cab," Caroline said. "Isn't that Mortimer over there, Joey?"
"Where? All I see is that nutbag with a horse head...oh man! Just shut the door, this is not our problem," Dan said, grabbing for the taxi's handle as Caroline swung the door wide.
"Mortimer! Mortimer Jones!" she yelled. People started staring.
The horse head turned. Then started towards the cab.
"Hey, guys, how's it going?" Mortimer's voice said, from inside the mask.
"What are you doing?" Caroline said.
"Watching my friends workout," Mortimer said.
"What?" Dan looked around. "There's nothing in that field but horses."
"What's the matter Dan? Jealous of my new friends? You should come meet them," Mortimer said, grabbing Caroline's hand.
"Um, we have somewhere else to be, actually," Dan said.
"What are you talking about?" Caroline asked.
"That, uh, thing, remember?" Dan said.
Caroline laughed nervously, "Oh, right, work thing. Maybe another time."
"But, Buttercup and Sunshine Bunny have been dying to meet you guys, I've told them all about you. Sunshine used to be a racehorse. Buttercup's a retired cop," Mortimer's voice said. "What's wrong guys? I thought you were supportive of my choices?"
"Well, that was when you wanted to play a horse on stage, mostly nude," Caroline said. "But, look, there are some lines you just can't cross."
Mortimer snorted, and pawed the ground."I see how it is!" he whinnied, galloping away.
"Great, now I've got to find a new best friend," Dan said.
Caroline sighed, "He'll come around Dan. If there's one thing I know about Mort, he's never into any one thing for too long."
"Somebody should probably tell that poor Buttercup, before he breaks her heart," Dan said.
Mortimer galloped out into the field and up to the two startled horses, who shied away from his mask. Buttercup reared up and Mort's limited visibility from inside the mask disoriented him.He stumbled into her and caught a glancing blow to the temple.
"Holy crap!" Caroline screamed. "Buttercup's trying to kill him!"
She leaped from the cab, dragging Joey behind her.
"Should I wait?" The cabby called after them? "The meter's running!"
Without looking back, Caroline snatched her wallet from her purse and threw it over her shoulder, hitting the driver in the chest.
"Keep it running!" she screamed.
"Where am I?" Mortimer stirred.
It was the first time in three days. He looked around. He was in a Hospital, Caroline lay sound asleep in a chair near his bed.
"What?" she said sleepily, "Oh, wow! You're awake!"
"Yeah, what happened?" Mortimer asked."Why is my head so huge?"
"Well, about that, Mortimer, do you remember anything?" Caroline asked.
"Not since the Equus auditions yesterday, did I get it?" Mortimer asked. "Seriously, what kind of bandage is this?"
He pulled at the rubber casing surrounding his head.
"Well, you thought you were a horse for a while," Caroline said.
"What? No way, that's crazy, even for me!" Mortimer said.
"Right?" Caroline laughed."So, you really don't remember?"
"Nothing, I told you, not since yesterday."
"Mort, that audition was nine weeks ago," Caroline said, cringing.
Mortimer sat up. "What? No, that's impossible. How long have I been out?"
"Three days."
"Whoa! You're awake, dude!" Dan stepped into the room from the hall.
He carried two styrofoam containers of dinner for him and Caroline.
"That smells amazing, I want some," Mortimer said.
Caroline cringed again. "I don't know if you can, Mort," she said.
Dan smirked. "You didn't tell him?"
"Tell me what? What is going on?"
"Look!" Dan held up his phone, with the screen toward Mortimer and the selfie camera on.
Mortimer studied himself on the screen.
"What? Why the hell did you put this horse mask on me? It was you, wasn't it Dan? Did you think it was funny?" Mortimer struggled with the mask.
"Relax Mortimer, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Caroline said.
Mortimer sighed. "Why not?" he demanded.
"Doc says it needs to stay, buddy," Dan said.
"What? Why?"
"May be the only thing that saved you, so they left it on, in fact, glued it in place," Caroline said.
Mortimer screamed. "NO! That's not true, it can't be! Why?"
"You were wearing it, when..." Caroline hesitated.
Dan thumbed his phone to life and pulled up a video. "When this happened! You were trying to make out with this horse called Buttercup, ex cop, she tried to kill you, got it all on camera!"
Mortimer sank back in the bed.
"So, I was almost killed by a rogue horse I apparently accosted and my best friend films it? Great! You haven't shown it to anyone have you?"
"Well, here's the thing, it might be paying your hospital bill," Dan said. "I may have put it on Dtube and it's been trending for five days so far."
It would be six months until Mortimer was released from his rubber casing. The mask had held his severely fractured skull perfectly in place. He healed without any complications.
Buttercup was moved to a facility away from people. While the owner was pretty sure it was Mortimer's fault, he couldn't risk it happening again.
And Mortimer became a "real actor" after all, in a live action spinoff of Hugh Jack Horseman, and Dan got his first real directing job as show runner, and they all lived happily ever after.
