Spread Your Wings and Fly... Watch Out For That Tree!!!

If at first you don't succeed...

Failure is always an option. If you are actively making decisions, trying new things, starting a business... whatever the case may be, failure will find a way to creep in and show you exactly how to not do something. The failures that we all experience make success that much sweeter.

The latest success in my life involves my son. I am happy to report that he is now officially and successfully on his own (at least for now). It's been a rough road with plenty of misunderstanding and facepalm moments but we are finally there and I consider this to be one of the greatest successes I've experienced.

What would you do?

I want you to imagine being told at the young age of nineteen that your grandmother will be giving you her house. Yes, that's right, my mother-in-law hasn't lived in her house for over ten years and has decided that she is GIVING the house to my son. Now, you would think that my son would work his ass off to get in the house and be on his own, right? Nope. I understand his reluctance because my mother-in-law is a hoarder and when she moved to the north shore, she didn’t take any of her stuff with her.

If you've ever dealt with someone who hoards things you will understand when I tell you that there was a path from the front door to the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. You walk in the house and it's stacked full with unnecessary items that haven't seen the light of day in years, but you can't throw it away or donate it because it might be useful one day. When that day comes, you can't find said item and you go and buy another one. Years and years of this behaviour not only makes for a house full of junk it also will put a strain on your relationships.

She had an understanding that we would have to clean things out but she also would name things that were buried that she knew was there and would ask if we would save these things. She didn’t want to take possession of what she wanted us to save, because she has no more room in the house she’s living in now. She just doesn’t want us to throw any of these things away.

Gotta do what you gotta do...

We have learned that it's better sometimes to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. My mother-in-law has no intentions of ever stepping foot in that house again and while we can save some of the older and more valuable things we found we just can’t save everything. I gave my son the permission he needed to throw things out, except for the family heirloom items which will be given to family and I will deal with the repercussions if my mother-in-law ever changes her mind and decides to go to her old house and see all of her stuff gone.

We gave him the permission he needed to feel like he isn't being held back and he still didn’t have the motivation to get off his ass, get the place cleaned up and move in. Add to all of this a girlfriend who lives in Washington with the same lacking motivation and chomping at the bit to move down and the problems get bigger and the understanding becomes non-existent.

One of many facepalm moments...

I didn’t understand how you can have a house given to you and not have the motivation to get it cleaned up to move in. Had an opportunity like this presented itself to me when I was his age, I would have been staying there on the floor if I had to and worked on it from sunup to sundown. It seemed as though not only did he have a house handed to him but he also wanted everyone to do the work that it took to get it ready.

His girlfriend has been asking to move down but with no job, and no motivation I could not see letting her live in my house; there’s no way I can allow two adults to lay around my house all day on my son’s days off. Every time I passed my son’s room and knew he was in there sleeping or playing video games or whatever it is he did… I just wanted to open the door, walk in and slap his face. Now, of course I refrained from that because I knew how much it would be frowned upon but the feeling was still there.

I've had enough!

After a year of battle, trying to get him motivated, and trying to get him to see how lucky he was I felt it was time for an ultimatum… he kept telling me that things would be different and he would get more done if he was moved in. I told him, “Alright… if that's the case then you have a week. Do what you have to do, pack your shit, move in and let's see if things change.”

We have lift-off!!

He did just that and we have finally succeeded at getting him to spread his wings and fly. He seems to be doing well and hopefully he’s finding a way to juggle all of the things he needs to do. I am learning to let go and let him take reigns and live his life his way. I will call that success and the stench of success is very sweet, let's just hope it will continue to be sweet.