Before going further into my story, let me introduce you to some essential facts that led up to this monumental day.
This episode follows up on Diary of a Free Spirit Ep. 3 - The Day That Changed My Life
It hadn't been an easy job getting admitted into the reputable King's College London.
As its name reveals, this university was quite majestic. The requirements were stringent. The students were the crème de la crème. The expectations were dauntingly high.
But I did it.
I worked hard in my last years of high school, passed all the required examinations and achieved my teenage dream – to go and study abroad at an English university.
You know, the dream of many kids from less developed countries: the lure of a "better" lifestyle, the promise of a successful career, the potential for status, reputation and wealth in a more developed country like Great Britain.
When asked why I wanted to study law, my immediate answer would be: "I want to help achieve justice in the world!", which was probably a standard answer given by most law students. In fact, that was not the entire truth... Probably not even the tip of the iceberg.
So how did I end up studying law?
During the first three years of high school in Romania, I was taking private English lessons taught by an influential teacher in our school. She had an imposing stature, both physically and metaphorically. She had a unique style of teaching English: she would chase you from vocabulary book to grammar book and back like there was no tomorrow.
However, her reputation for sending many students to elite universities such as Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge and her success with students at national contests were convincing factors for many of my classmates to take private classes with her.
My proclivity to fare well in languages, combined with my fondness for writing and my bright intellect have distinguished me amongst my colleagues.
I was the teacher's pet, as they say, and my ego was like a fluffy puppy stroked by a plastic surgery celebrity in front of a camera.
One day in the 10th grade she solemnly announced: "Students, it's time for a big question." Everyone fell silent, you could have heard a pin drop.
"Have you thought about what you'd like to study at university?"
I was taken aback by this question. Wasn't it way too early to ask some 15-year-olds what they wanted to study in 3 years' time, ie. what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives?! There were, however, some deeper insecurities lurking underneath my surface thoughts...
On the one hand, I was feeling ashamed. Apparently, it was expected of me to already know what I wanted to do with my higher studies and God forbid, I didn't! On the other hand, there was a feeling of overwhelm and confusion because there were so many subjects I was good at but had no clue what I wanted to study further.
When it was my turn to speak, I stuttered for a moment and timidly exclaimed: "Something about international relations!".
It made sense to me that studying something related to international politics or diplomacy would be the natural progression of my development, as I was getting involved in many Model United Nations and European Youth Parliament conferences (mainly to push myself to get over my fear of public speaking, but forget about this vital aspect...)
Upon hearing my answer, the teacher was disappointed:
"No way, Bristena! You are going to study law!".
Her vehement injunction sent shivers down my spine and froze my bone marrow.
"Law?" I thought to myself: "Never, ever, in a million years!". There was no rational explanation for my undisputable no, just a strong gut feeling.
However, my ego was on cloud nine.
It loved being in the limelight, and it threw a massive self-indulgent party by itself for a minute there. "Oh, my teacher thinks I would be good at studying law, wow... It sounds so fancy, ah, I must be so clever and amazing..." were some of its silent utterances, to be translated into "Yes, I finally got the love of my mother! She won't love me unless I prove to be the best and my teachers give me the top awards..."
I expressed my refusal to study law, but I didn't feel like she really heard me. She had made her mind up about me, and she was not going to change.
I knew her, and she was the exact same kind of trouble like my mother – unflinching in her determinations and unwilling to properly listen.
I guess that's why I was so poorly prepared to deal with this forceful energy that had been abruptly thrown in my direction. I was pretty vulnerable to strong adult influences and I didn't know how to stand my ground.
I grew up with this unconscious belief induced in the interactions with my mother that my opinions were never heard.
It was safer for me to do as I was told, otherwise hell broke loose – incessant screams and shouts that tore my soul up in a million pieces.
The trick had been done.
Even though I mentally disconsidered my teacher's view, the seeds had been planted in my energy field. I had no shield to fend them off. Furthermore, my ego's field day was to play a crucial role in my upcoming decision.
It wasn't long till I realised that the mathematics-informatics bilingual English class took too much out of me. I didn't want to put up with those narrow-minded, irritatingly communist teachers any longer. I wasn't really interested to delve too deeply in the study of hard sciences anyway. I was a sensitive soul at the end of the day: a dreamer and a poet at heart...
So I came up with a nice excuse to make my way out of that nerve-wracking situation – I somehow convinced myself that, indeed, I wanted to study law at university. That meant that too much mathematics wasn't necessary for that new direction.
That was pretty quick, no? Eh, my previously boosted ego started dipping its fingers into some serious affairs...
What a perfect arrangement, a match made in heaven!
All of a sudden I got rid of all those annoying teachers and classmates and managed to switch to the philology class where I had more free time on my hands. That meant I could focus on my favourite subjects. I had also made my mind up about my higher studies. Youhuu! Brilliant!
That was my very first emancipatory decision that I took without the full consent and support of my parents.
"How could you transfer to that classroom of idiots?! The student who entered with the highest grades in your high school, now you are turning to this mediocre class?" My mother's worst fears were coming true: being seen as less than exceptional in the eyes of the gossip groups in the school.
I couldn't care less, though. And it turned out to be a great decision. My new classmates were nice and the two years that ensued were pleasant and lucrative in my areas of interest – literature, foreign languages, psychology, philosophy, history.
In the meantime, I started preparing myself to become a law student. I did some research into the various programs offered by universities both in England and in Germany and decided to apply to five universities in London.
The thought of living in the big metropolis was thrilling.
I knew it was going to open up innumerable possibilities for career growth.
However, there was something else that deeply drew me to London, an unnameable force that took the reigns of my consciousness and guided it towards choosing this place as my future home. Only later I would find out why.
The last months of high school went by in the blink of an eye. Studying for the final exams was hard work, but I was very confident. The application process was finished and we were all anxiously waiting for our exam results, as well as the replies from our chosen universities.
"Yes, I got admitted into King's College London!!!"
The entire building probably heard my piercing screams of excitement and fervour. It was done. All my intensive work had paid off. I was going to study law and embark on a well-established career path that would lead me to the success I was born for.
My family, friends and teachers were all happy for me. I was doing the right thing to pursue such a prestigious degree. It fitted my profile as a bright and industrious student like a glove.
What a glorious future was awaiting me!...
Who would have known that one year later, my whole life orientation would turn upside down? Tune in to the next episodes to find out what happened... :)
To be continued...
Most pictures are sourced from Pixabay.
If you missed them, here are the links to the first and second episodes in the Diary of a Free Spirit series.
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 1 - Introduction
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 2 - The Inner Voice
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 3 - The Day That Changed My life
I started writing this diary last summer, half a year before knowing that Steemit exists. When I found out about it, I knew I had to publish everything I'd written here. It feels like this platform will receive my story and my message.
Thanks for taking the time to read this article. If you resonate, upvote, resteem and follow me for the next episodes of Diary of A Free Spirit.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you the struggles I encountered as I exited the conventional path and followed my heart into the unknown, with my intuition as my only reliable guide...
... how I healed some of my deepest wounds and taken leaps of faith way beyond my comfort zone...
... how I reinvented myself and survived the dark nights of my soul, emerging like a Phoenix from her ashes...
... how I reclaimed my power and broken the chains of attachment towards toxic people, situations and substances...
... and many other interesting things that will intrigue you, inspire you, and hopefully empower you to BE MORE OF WHO YOU TRULY ARE AND SHINE YOUR MAGNIFICENCE :)
From my heart to yours...
Be You, Be Wild, Be Free!
Bristena,
#DiaryOfaFreeSpirit
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