The @ecotrain question of the week is "Should parents set a minimum age or some restrictions for their children to own a smartphone, and if so what would they be?". This is a topic that is very relevant to our household with four children who are a mix of ages 3 through 18.
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It is a challenging time bringing up children in a world that is constantly evolving in technology.
No one really knows for sure the long term effects of screen, game or app usage. On the one hand, there have been studies that suggest children who spend long periods of time sitting around on technology could be susceptible to health risks and cognitive impairment. Although most of these hypotheses and insights are based on extreme cases where the technology becomes the babysitter, whilst parents are engrossed in their own social media world. Contradictory studies similarly exist showing the benefits of children playing video games such as better attention and memory. With all these contradictory observations, it's no wonder that many parents struggle to set appropriate boundaries.
As a parent, I am conflicted by the array of contradictory advice.
On the one hand I agree that too much of anything is a bad idea and have always tried to err on the side of avoiding too much screen time with any type of device, but since our family's journey in 'Unschooling' started I have come to realize, that when used properly, technology may be a positive advantage and one that shouldn't always be used as a scapegoat for the devolution of humanity.
Fuddy Duddy Rant
I am a little old fashioned in my views of smartphones and also a walking contradiction to my views. I have a smartphone. I use it for work related stuff and I used to spend quite a bit of time scrolling on social media. It has a good camera, I have the kindle app and google at my fingertips. It has a purpose and one that is useful for my needs.
What I don't like about it is the fact that it holds so much precious info. I cringe at the thought of losing or destroying it even though most stuff is backed up.
It feels as if these devices have become an extension of us, another limb if you will, and if anything happens to this limb it can feel like it has been amputated.
I didn't always feel that way. My eldest was around 9 years old when the i phone became a household name. We couldn't afford anything like that at the time and it wasn't until around 2 years later that I eventually bought my first smartphone. My eldest two children have had smartphones for the last few years, normally either bought by family members or from money they have saved up themselves to buy a pre-owned one. This was mainly down to contact reasons while they were living with their dad. It's far easier to video call on Whatsapp when you live in another country and this enabled us to stay in touch without wasting money on expensive phone calls.
Yet this can be both a blessing and a curse, something that I learned the hard way with my girls.
It wasn't so much the technology itself but more the types of apps they were downloading. Some of these apps can be dangerously engaging and even encourage the user to come back for more every day with simple reward systems. Where my ex and I went wrong was lack of vigilance and safety advice. We really should have been investing a little time to encourage and educate the girls to make informed choices on how they spend their time on the phones. This was also not helped by 2 very different households with polar opposite parenting styles.
When my eldest came to live with me at age 15, she spent countless hours scrolling on the different Social Media platforms. It was hard to wean her off. We had long battles and arguments over it. We restricted the wifi, but she found a job and then paid for data on the phone herself. In the end, and after hefty long drawn out discussions we all agreed that she should spend less time on there and more time engaging with friends and family in the real world. But it was ultimately left up to her to decide how to manage this herself. As parents we can only advise and hope that our children will make thought out decisions.
She eventually cut down on the social media and even deleted some of the apps. She also used the phone to learn how to play guitar, which earned her a place in college studying music. She dropped out of high school without completing any exams so the mere fact that she was able to achieve this is just one of the reasons that smartphones can be useful.
Her sister on the other hand chose to upgrade her smartphone herself. She saved babysitting money and asked to help out more around the house in exchange for payment. With the money saved she upgraded. She already had an old model of smartphone that a family member had given her, but peer pressure last Christmas when her friends were showing off their new phones made her feel that she had to have a new one. She is mindful of how much time she spends on the phone's apps. Particularly since we established that some of her anxiety and depression stemmed from a couple of apps. It was really important to me to make sure she was aware of all the dangers from using some of these apps so she has set up the phone on maximum privacy. Which she then went through with us to double check. She recently invested in a used laptop, which she does her studying on.
However good they are at balancing using their phones, I still feel that they spend too much time on them.
But...
Image CreditI can only advise them of what could or couldn't happen when making any decision. I am not there to make the decision for them. They are both at an age where they can make conscious reasoning for themselves. They hold the key and the responsibilty of their choices is ultimately in their hands. I'm just there to guide them in the best way I can.
We work at home. We use laptops, pc's and smartphones to enable us to do our work efficiently. Our children see us using these devices. It's around them, they are familiar. Children have inquisitive minds and naturally show an interest in what those older than them are doing. Copying is how we humans learn to do things.
Although we have a TV we don't have cable or regular channels. I think this helps the kids to make better choices when it comes to what they're watching. It also helps limit the need to be glued to it at the same times every day for the scheduled programming.
Youngsters and technology
The boys spend much of their time outside, even in winter. My 5 year old has always had a keen interest in anything gadgety. He figured out how to unlock my phone at 1 yr old and called my friend at 4am. I hadn't shown him in the past and I was asleep at the time. (We co-sleep and my phone was beside the bed.) He's just a really observant child and a visual learner. For him, I have noticed that his reading skills have developed from playing some video games. He has a huge collection of early years reading books that are sat on a shelf gathering dust because he just isn't interested in them. We bought him a kindle fire and downloaded some apps that he could learn to read and write with. He really enjoyed them and has completed a few of the phonics ones.
He also loves playing video games. This has been an area of concern for me, but not my partner. However I am learning to let go of this angst that I have and just sit back and observe. From playing these games he has learnt to read large numbers and his reading skills have developed. So for now, I'm rolling with it. I've never really liked gaming but my partner does. So at least when our son is playing, he is supervised by dad.
My youngest isn't that interested in technology. He enjoys watching some TV on the Kindle and has a vehicle puzzle app that he loves. He occasionally takes my phone and opens the camera to take some really interesting pictures. Some of which have made us laugh so hard. He prefers doing and making things with his hands. He's much more interested in being outside with nature and he loves it when I read to him.
Neither of them have a smartphone and I don't think they will be getting one anytime soon. There just isn't the same need for it that I had with the girls. They are learning at home, with both parents at home. Perhaps when they reach that age when they want to start venturing out with their friends we may invest in a 'Brick Phone'. You know, the old ones that have a basic screen and can only text, call and play Tetris if you're really lucky.
Being Responsible and Setting Boundaries
So with that in mind. No, I don't feel that parents should set a minimum age, perhaps maybe a few restrictions. I do think that we have a responsibility to properly educate ourselves on how they work and employ due diligence when it comes to showing our children how to use any device. We should correctly evaluate our reasons for thinking they need one and also listen to the evidence they present when they are asking for a smartphone.
Teaching our children to make informed decisions and making them aware of the dangers, effects and benefits to be had from having such tools in our hands. Just like we would teach them the safe use of dangerous objects such as knives and hammers, I feel parents need to do the same with smartphones and gaming technology.
When used in the right context, these devices can actually be valued learning tools. But it requires parents to be present with their children for this to have a positive effect.
