Originally I had replied to the #Ecotrain Question of the Week (QOTW)
"Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" in the comment section on @mountainjewel post: @mountainjewel/is-it-better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-never-to-have-loved-at-all-or-ecotrain-question-of-the-week
Definitely I feel it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved but I wanted to look at the different types of love and to expand on the Metta, Loving Kindness.
There are three types of love -
The romantic love,with a sexual aspect, connected to desire.
Affectionate love, love of friends and family and then there is love connected to loving kindness , with a desire for the well-being of others.
Loving Kindness
Loving kindness brings with it freedom from anger.
While struggling with anger, I had come upon a book which gave me a way to deal with my anger. It said " turn your anger to love and if you can not do that then turn away from it, go away from what you are angry at" That made total sense to me and gave me peace of mind.
Loving kindness will be present in actions of generosity and in all virtuous deeds.
It will be present when there is freedom from hate. In fact it is opposite of having ill-will (hatred and anger) and can be used to eliminate theses states. It is impossible to have ill-will and loving kindness present in the mind together. When you can illuminate hatred you can illuminate a lot of suffering.
Developing Loving Kindness as a Meditation Subject.
Have you ever sat in a room with someone radiating loving kindness?
I have when I took a course in Vipassana Meditation. It is something I aspire to.
To live in loving kindness, first you must eliminate envy and selfishness.
It also requires some developing of virtue, concentration and wisdom. Being mindful.
The aspects you want to cultivate is the characteristic of active goodness and promoting welfare.
To begin with, contemplate the dangers of hate.
Then begin with yourself and thoughts that you may be happy and free from suffering. By starting there the desire for other beings welfare and happiness can arise when you realize that just like you want to be happy and you dread pain so do other beings want the same thing.
So you are wishing happiness, the positive but you are also wishing for the absence of the negative, pain and suffering.
One can look on other beings as a mother looks on her only child. You want it to grow and be healthy and happy, not to suffer.
Now you are ready to send out loving kindness to others and do it in your mediation. Work towards sending it to all sentient beings. There is an order that you send it out to so you don't fall into the trap of hatred or desire.
1. Loving kindness towards yourself.
Doing it with the realization I had spoken of before, that just as you want to be happy and not suffer so too do other beings want the same thing. Start with yourself first for it can be very difficult to range out from love towards a dear friend and then switch to love to someone you feel neutral to and anger can often arise when you think of a hostile person. So start by wishing yourself to be happy and peaceful, free from suffering.
2. Loving kindness towards a teacher or mentor.
When you recollect all they have given you, or their kind words,etc. Think, "May this good person be happy and free from suffering"
3. Loving kindness toward a dearly loved friend.
These first three, when sending loving kindness out to them, makes your mind malleable and wielding before you go on to the next group.
4. Loving Kindness to a neutral person.
Do this as if you are sending it to a dear friend.
5. Loving kindness towards a hostile person.
Do this as if you were sending it towards a neutral person.
You are working towards being able to do this without making any discrimination between yourself, a friend, a neutral person or a hostile person. You want to be able to have loving kindness at will and not just being "kindly towards other beings" You want to be able to send loving kindness towards all beings.
Benefits of Developing Loving Kindness
- you sleep in comfort
- you awake in comfort
- you won't have bad dreams
- you're dear to human beings
- you're dear to non-human beings
- This endearment will give you a protection
- the mind is easily concentrated
- the expression on your face will be serene
- you will die unconfused
Remember these benefits when feeling hostile, resentment or anger and cultivate or give attention to thoughts of loving kindness.
May you all be happy and peaceful, free from suffering and may peace and harmony prevail in this world!
Namaste
