This is the ecoTrain question of the week. Please check out other awesome writing @ecotrain.
Well, this is a big topic. And it always surprises me how controversial it is. It's something I have been passionate about for a long time. I have been known to shout, Smash the Patriarchy!! Honestly I think saying things like that defeats the whole purpose, though. I no longer believe in fighting fire with fire.
To directly answer the question, technically speaking a patriarchy is a family or social system run by men. I want to talk a little about what it has come to mean and how it has manifested. I don't want to spend a whole lot of time on the consequences of patriarchy because the question is about what patriarchy actually is, not what it leads to, but it's basically the source of most, if not all, of our societal problems, including sexism, racism, capitalism, poverty, and destruction of the planet. And of course also the horrible lot of children these days. As I talk about how patriarchy has evolved, perhaps it will become more clear how this is so. If not, perhaps it will be the source of another post.
My first substantial revelation about patriarchy came during my first visit to Belize. We were studying howler monkeys, who also have a patriarchal social system. There is one adult male per troop. He essentially has a harem of females. As the male baby monkeys get closer to adulthood, the dominant male kicks them out of the troop. That juvenile will then choose a troop (sometimes the one they were born in) and challenge the male for possession of the troop. If the juvenile wins the fight, he takes over and immediately kills all nurslings so the females can get pregnant again. I was laying in bed one night thinking about how intense that is, and I realized that is the source of the vast laws and cultural norms in human society restricting women and children. Going far back before the evolution of man even, the masculine job is to protect and provide for the females and the children. Not wanting to provide for offspring from another man and seeking to ensure the continuation of their own genes, men had to control women's actions using their physical strength and emotionally manipulate and subjugate them in order to ensure those babies they're paying to feed are actually theirs. This is why women's sexuality, in particular, is so heavily controlled. Sometimes I wonder how much we've actually evolved. Even now men are studs and women are sluts. And a vagina after sex 100 times with one man is fine, but a vagina after sex with 20 different men is floppy and ruined.
This juvenile male showed up in our back yard. I'm pretty sure he had recently been exiled.
So I see patriarchy as a system of controlling women. And it has evolved but not in a good direction. As I searched a few sites for definitions of patriarchy, I came across a whole lot of butt hurt men whining about how feminists are just complaining and trying to take over the world. They actually think that because women can vote and drive cars, patriarchy no longer exists. I wish I was kidding. I actually read those words. When you've been in power, any hint at equality feels like oppression I guess.
I believe the definition of patriarchy that makes the most sense to me is a world ruled by toxic masculinity. The patriarchy seeks to control all - women, children, the weak, the marginalized, the "other," the poor, the planet. And in that drive to total and complete domination, anything feminine is bad and weak. You know, crazy stuff like emotions, compassion, cooperation, listening, understanding. The feminine is only good in the way that it serves men, mostly their penises. And all things masculine are wonderful. This is why violence is always seen as the best way to solve a problem. Hence arming teachers as a solution to school shootings. Strength, control, power, domination. It has actually devolved from simply wanting to ensure the continuation of your DNA to needing to completely control everything as the means to that goal. It has devolved into an unquenchable thirst for power.
In truth toxic masculinity damages everyone, but I have to say here that listening to a ton of focus on how toxic masculinity harms men too irritates me, and it points right to patriarchy. Women have been oppressed and abused as long as there have been humans, but in order to get the attention it deserves, we have to talk about how it affects the poor men of the world. Honestly it's men centering themselves yet again. And I'm not saying it doesn't do damage because I'm a mom of two boys. I know the damage it does, but it hurts women a lot, and we have no power to change it. Toxic masculinity is taking masculine qualities to the extreme dark edges and leaving no room for any sense of balance. Actual masculinity of course isn't like that, but shifting would require acknowledging the beauty of the balance with the feminine and giving up total and complete control. In essence I believe the push to subjugate women has also resulted in men subjugating their own feminine aspects.
Contrary to the delusions of the men's rights activists, feminists do not seek to take over the world (remember ladies, don't mention the MEETINGS or let any man see your cauldron!) What we seek is balance. In particular, I am passionate about honoring the feminine. There are plenty of women who are part of the patriarchy in that they are part of pushing the agenda of toxic masculinity and having power and control, ahem ... Hilary Clinton. Mostly they seek to be allowed to be part of that culture. So, technically I think people should be allowed to do whatever they want, but my vision for feminism is that we shift to a world that honors the gifts feminine energy brings to the table. Honor the feminine and stop trying to control women. Unbridled power does not bring happiness, and it doesn't make you attractive. The balance is very attractive, and what's more this is what will bring an end to toxic masculinity and ultimately the patriarchy.
I hope you enjoyed my answer. I'd love to hear your thoughts and discuss the topic. Just know that if you're a men's rights activist, I will rip your pitiful arguments to shreds. Just a heads up.
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