I feel like I have been undergoing a journey on so many different levels. I had been preparing to return to visit my family in Ireland and through Steemit I was able to finance the trip and my daughters passports. The build up was huge, we had not been to Ireland as a family in over 5 years and in that time I had another baby. We booked the flights, and awaited the passports.
They all came except for my youngest daughter who will soon be 1. Because she was not born in Ireland her's took longer. Our date of departure was approaching, everyone is super excited, but still no passport. After some local TD intervention, that my mother instigated, the passport came 6 days before our flight. Which also turned out to be the Equinox and my 40th birthday, so although I wrote a post that day about my double celebration, it was in fact a triple celebration.
Finally we would be getting on that plane. Then I fell sick, my reason for not being active on here for the last few days, except to publish my poems which I admit my partner had to help me with. I am usually quiet healthy, I do my best to look after myself, well as much as a mum of 3 kids can. But the last few months I have been having stomach complaints on and off and then they all came to a head recently.
It is believed that we hold so much in our guts, it is also where we are meant to process and allow ourselves to move forward, just like our food, see our physical bodies function so well by themselves once we provide the with the right nourishment but the emotional side, well that tends to get pushed aside, especially when a lot is going on in our lives.
And I feel like I have been keeping my head above water for a little while now, whilst also being mum and keeping home and putting on a happy face too many times. Inside I continue to feel stretched and running on empty, how amazing we are that we can function when we feel like this. I am ever grateful to my body for continuing to move, for allowing me to keep going, but it had to come to a head and that it did. In the most physical way it could. Full on vomiting and diarrhoea and finally fever. Lucky me!
I had to rest, I was given no choice in the matter my body was clearly saying enough is enough. I have had 3 days of bed rest. On the 4th day we had our flights to Ireland and well what can I say, I am stubborn as hell and tough as boots, so of course I got on that plane. I sit here now in my parents house writing this post, still quite tired, with slight temperature but on the mend. I am once again so grateful to my body for the amazing strength it holds. I am grateful to my girls and my partner for rallying round me so that I could get on that plane. I am so grateful to be here now and not in Spain, I am so much closer to my sister, the reason I am here to begin with.
My sister has Cancer and seeing that written now on the screen really brings it home to me. It is not easy writing those two words together, but it is another step in really accepting it. I will have to face the reality of it now that I am here because she is in hospital, it has spread. Before when I saw her she looked really well, sure we talked about it but you can talk about so many things without really seeing them. We get by in life like that, talking and talking but not really processing things, allowing ourselves to really feel what we need to feel.
So many journeys I have undertaken. So far this one has led me here, I am not really sure what comes next, but I am grateful to be here nonetheless.
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