I have been in Ireland now for just over a week. I initially stayed with my parents for a few days in the midlands. This is the same house that I grew up in. It is a house that holds many memories, memories that have been heavy to carry around, ones that I needed to let go of.
The original plan was that I would come to Ireland to my parents where my 2 sisters would meet me and we would sit down as a family and talk about the many painful things that we have been holding onto for far too long. It was to be a time of truth, of releasing, of healing and acceptance.
But as it is with life sometimes, that was not how it was to go. My return has seen me coming to be with my sister. My sister who has been so strong and clear on her path of healing, who has been inspiring all who have come in contact with her. The path that she chose has become blocked and now she must find another way to help her in her healing. It is not the way she wanted to go, but at this point she has no other choice. She has had to surrender and accept that sometimes we have no control over what happens, that what beliefs we have will be challenged and challenged again and that we must accept that change. Be open to the need of Constant change.
Change is something that I have written a lot about, how we must keep moving forward in our lives, keep ourselves open to new ideas, new feelings. To remain adaptable, some people forget that we are indeed very adaptable. They feel stuck in their lives, feel like they are just constantly doing the same thing over and over, yet are afraid to break free and change!
But this change my sister faces is of a different type. It is a change of how you look at and interact with your life. It is a change that goes against what we strive to become. We all want freedom, freedom to live our lives the way we see fit. The freedom to listen to ourselves and trust ourselves. But what happens when you have achieved that freedom and then realize that that is not enough. That your right to choose your healing and your treatment is not working. That the very thing you wanted to avoid, is at present your only option.
How do you accept that change?
How do you support some one who has to accept that change?
Who questions the decisions that she has made up until now. Who feels guilty because she followed her instinct and refused to listen to others. Yet these are the qualities I admire so much in her, this is the strength that she held onto, that carried her forward and now that strength is being challenged.
I know I will always tell her that I will support her no matter what, but this challenge she faces is huge, it has shaken her to the core. Where do you go from this point on.
How do you accept a change that is so unstable, so uncertain. Where how you feel changes so often and so sudden. Where you are not even given enough time to get use to one change before another one happens.
I am writing this for some clarity, for some understanding. I can see in her face the struggle she has, the disappointment, I hear her when she says,
I do not know if I can keep fighting like this.
I cannot imagine how she must feel inside, what this fight must be like.
I find it difficult to know what to say at times, I want to be strong for her, but I also want her to be able to grief, to cry to go through all the motions that enable us to keep moving forward. But most importantly I want her to always have hope, at the end of each day to be able to take a deep breath and go 'tomorrow is a new day'!
I am part of the ecotrain, if you wish to read great content and be inspired please check it out. It is one train that is full of very diverse and creative passengers. And we all know that diversity is the spice of life.
