Hello dear steemians,
Today I am not going to write any stories, my mind is not in the right place for that...If you dont mind, today I would rather ask for you help, to ask for your wisdom of perspective.
I am 33 years old now, and in couple of month, give it or take, I am going to be a father for the first time and I have a mission, to be the best father I can possibly be to this girl and hopefully others to come.
The first 6 or 7 month of the pregnancy I didn't had much chance to think about it much, I was basically on autopilot as recently I am having constant major changes in my life, so unfortunately I don't have much time to stop and think about how my life is about to unfold.
But now, that my wonderful partner in life is approaching her 9 month, and the belly is definitely there to show up for it and you can see the little baby moving inside. Only now I am truly starting to dwell upon it, all sorts of exciting feelings are passing through me, I feel like I am about to experience something I have never experienced before...one of the most powerful feelings in the world...looking at your own child for the first time.
I have to admit, I am mostly excited about it, but at the same time lots of different questions arise at me, new feelings I have never experienced before, concerns I could never imagined I would feel a few years back.
I often find myself imagining how it will be to have a new person in my life that will be 100% dependent on me, to be responsible for her every need for years to come, I think I am ready for that, not because I think I know everything there is to know, it just that I believe I reached a point in life when i am open enough to learn, ready to open my heart, to let the knowledge of parenthood flow naturally in me.
But yet, I am still having lots of doubts on my mind, how will I be able to balance between my life, my business, my attempt to create something in this life, to experience as much as I can and between providing my future child all the love and attention I want to give her, how will I be able to provide for my family working late hours and still be there to teach her life?
How will I be able to mask all the scars I got from life, all the evil I have seen to be able to let her experience innocence, but still be able to protect her from those evils in the world and teach her to protect herself?
How Will I be able to still have my fears and doubts, make mistakes, break down and rebuild my self, while still being a strong rock that she will always be able to count on?
How will I be able to find the time to spend with my love, with my partner in life as we used to in the past...just the two of us against the world…?
How will I be able to have time to spend with myself? Have time to reflect, but still be 100% with her and with my partner?
All those and many other questions pop up in my head as I go through my day, sometimes in my head I find the answers I seek, but then in a brief moment it slips through my mind and I find myself doubtful again.
I am sure, answers will come, I presume we are wired to get certain information only in certain times, when we ready to accept it...I believe I am ready to accept...I believe I am ready for the challenge…
Something deep inside of me tells me she will change me in ways I can't possibly comprehend right now.
An old picture but still...so cute :) :)
I will be very happy to hear some of your own experience and thoughts on the matter, some of your own stories...how do you balance between hopefully being a great father or mother to your child and a crazy life around you?
How do you find the time to be there for your child and still find the time to be there for your business/work, for your partner, for yourself?
How do you show your child the beautiful sides of life, the beautiful sides of humanity while you can clearly see and experience the ugly ones?
How do you suddenly learn to teach, while you being a student yourself?
I hope I don’t fall on deaf ears with this post, but even if I do, simply writing about it makes me feel like I didn’t :)
Thank you
Peace.