Child Protection Services tore my children from my wife and I about 9 years ago as a result of false accusations made by my own Mother for the purpose of getting a foster care check. Most of the people that follow and read my posts know that I write mainly about addiction and recovery, and that a lot of the issues that resulted in my turning to drugs and alcohol were a result of my early upbringing in an abusive household.
A friend on the platform has asked me to chronicle the story of how my children were taken by CPS and why. I promise that what I write is a truthful account, up to and including my admission that I was in active addiction during this period, I will let you decide if what happened was right.
My Mothers favorite sister.
My aunt Becky was the closest to my mother in years and in life. They talked about everything together and sought advice from each other. My aunt was also very forceful in how she dealt with my cousins and how they raised their children. I remember my cousin Tommy often complaining about how his mother would be "In his business" regarding his kids.
But, she had money and would use it to her advantage, offering to take her grandchildren shopping, or offering to babysit when needed. My cousin was sure she wanted to take his kids, and was very careful to not give her too much ammunition.
I should have listened better.
My Mother and her behavior
When my son was born, his mother and I lived with my Mother for periods of time, and when I was in prison my son's mother lived with her. She would get into our arguments and gave my son's Mother advice that was contrary to our continuing in a relationship. "You should leave him" was a common thing she told her.
When my daughters Mother and I got together, I had visitation with my son on a bi weekly basis. My Mother would make a point of coming to my house on my visit weekends and right in front of my son ask to be able to take him somewhere, like bowling, etc. Since she would show up without notice and ask in front of him, it made it difficult to say no. The fact that we were poor and needed help at times made it even more difficult.
When my daughter was born, my Mother would take her for the weekend at times "To give us a break" and as my daughter got older, would sit her on her lap and whisper in her ear that she was grandmas little princess, and that she would always take care of her.
The older my Daughter got, the more I came to realize that my Mother wanted to take custody of her from my wife and I.
Head start and child care
My aunt ended up working for head start in Saginaw Michigan when my uncle retired from the Marines and became the Vice Principle at Beuna Vista High School. As a result of this, she had intimate knowledge of Child Protective Services and how they worked. I didn't realize she was giving my Mother pointers, but she was.
My wife received FIA benefits (Welfare) from the state, and part of that was child care benefits. My Mother was on disability and as a result she ended up being our child care provider.
Worst mistake I ever made.
Being able to talk to the school
Being the child care provider in Michigan meant that we had to allow my Mother to discuss the children with the school system. We did not know that she was telling the school how the children were in an abusive household, and that they needed to be removed from it.
My wife and I would argue often, but the kids were never beaten or molested by anyone. I can see how being around arguments could be construed as abuse, but you would think if anything counseling would be the first thing done.
That is not what happened, not at all.
My daughter
My Mother would come to our house unannounced and do the same thing with my daughter that she had pulled with my son, but again, how do you tell a child that they can't go to the County fair just because you didn't like your Mom showing up without asking?
There were times when my Mom would take my daughter to the urgent care because she was having "Asthma attacks." My daughter did not have asthma, she was overweight and would get out of breath, but asthma? No. I did not see any evidence of asthma and therefore did not give her the medications the urgent care prescribed.
I didn't realize I was being set up.
My son
My step brother had moved in with us for awhile to get on his feet, and he would go over to my Mothers house on his own to see his dad, my step dad. One day he came home and told me that my Mother had my son keeping a journal about what the visits were like at my house. I was furious, but when I confronted her about it, she claimed it was only because he needed to get in touch with his feelings as requested by his counselor at school.
He had gotten caught with some Vicodin pills that he claimed were not his, and his Mother and my Mother had kept the whole incident from me because they did not want me to "Go to hard on him." As a result he had been signed in for counseling. Come to find out, he had gotten the pills from his Mother to sell at school and she knew it. That is why they really kept it from me. I didn't find out for about 6 months. I believed my Mothers excuse for the journal.
Again I was wrong.
Money
Somewhere along the line my Mother became obsessed with money. I am not sure when it happened but she was not always like that when I was younger. When my step grandma died there was talk in the family about how my Mother had somehow manipulated her into signing over her assets. It wasn't my side of the family so I did not pay much attention to it. I should have.
My Mother received disability and so did my step dad. They also got the check from the state for child care, which they billed for full time even though the vast majority of the time, she only had them a day or two a month when I couldn't watch them for some reason.
Halloween
Halloween night in 2007 we took my daughters to my Mothers house so she could see them in their costumes. Instead of it being a nice visit, my Mother started yelling at me about how my son didn't have lunch money for school. I had not heard anything about it and made that clear.
I finally got fed up with her yelling at me, and told her that it was the end of the month and I did not have any money. Perhaps if she kicked back some of the money she was scamming from the state for child care, I would have some money to give him.
I should have never threatened her money. A week later the first anonymous Child Protection Services call came, and it escalated until my Mother had custody.
To be continued.
I will be continuing this narrative until I finish telling what happened. I want to be clear, my wife and I did argue, and I was drinking and using drugs when this whole thing happened, but I did not use in front of the children. They were not physically or sexually abused, and the arguments they heard were not physical, or really more aggressive than what you might see on T.V. The CPS agency was aggressive in how they dealt with our case and had a predetermined outcome planned when they began the case against us. My Mother planned on having custody, and that is exactly what happened.
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