I was a child in Crisis

When I was a teenager I was a victim of a crime that made me no longer feel safe. My parents were good parents but sometimes even good parents can not protect their child. I am not going to get into what happened in this post but I needed services from CPS.

Run away

I ran away from home because there was someone in my neighborhood that scared me so bad, that I was scared to be home. I was scared my parents and siblings were going to be killed. I was twelve years old and had no clue what to do, so I ran away, and that is how I ended up in CPS services

Children's home

My first placement was the Local Children's home. It had been an orphanage when it first started out and though it still housed orphans it also housed those taken away from their families and troubled children too. When I got placed there I felt safe and felt like my family was safe. It was a big huge building with dormitories They had 5 sections Jr boys, Intermediate boys, Senior boys, Jr Girls and Senior Girl dorms. And though it was crazy it felt safer than home did at the time.

All kind of kids

I met all kinds of children that were in protections, some because they truly needed it, like me. And others who were taken away for trivial reasons and they should likely never been placed. There are a lot of horrors that happen in the states custody, but occasionally you get adults that care and do their best to make things better or right.

What it was like

I spent from the time I was 12 to 16 in and out of placements from the Children's home and when they tore that down the new facility they replaced it with to even a few foster homes. After they tore down the Children's home and replaced it. Things changed even there, they built these cottages to "make it feel more like a home environment" It was more like Isolated the kids so they can be abused. This lead me to doing what worked when I was no longer safe in my neighborhood and home and I ran away. When I was 15 I was sent to Juvenile prison for running away from placements and foster homes.

I actually spent more time on the run than in the placements

I ran away a lot, so much the facility gave me the nick name "Hot Feet" and they still talk about me today 20+ years later. But I knew how to disable the alarm system that is how I kept escaping and they didn't know how I was doing it. It is what got me sent to Juvenile Prison issued a DOC number that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I have never been in trouble as an adult, but if I ever got to prison my DOC number is 933965 yep I still remember it.

Supporting myself on the run

The last time I ran away I was gone for over 6 months. When they found me they found me in my own apartment that I rented. I found someone that felt sorry for me that helped me, she had an apartment house with rentals available she needed someone to watch her children and traded me the $75 a week in rent in exchanging for baby sitting her 2 children 20 hours a week. She knew I was on the run, but we created a lease that showed I told her I was 18 to cover her butt if I was ever caught.

The Unsuspecting neighbor

One of the other neighbors needed a sitter and asked me what I charged and when I told her $75 for 2 kids a week she took me up on my offer but had no clue I was a run away. 6 months later she was out and saw my missing person photo my parents put up for me because I had never been gone this long and that is how I got caught, she called and turned me in. But for 6 months I had a roof over my head and I was paying my bills and I was all of 15 years old.

Getting Emancipated

After I was sent to DOC I was placed in a independent living situation, but that didn't last long. Shortly after moving there they decided they were moving us to living in the program but in a hospital and I wasn't having any of that, because to me I had been locked up for a year and I didn't want to be in a place that made me feel like I was locked up again, so once again I ran away. When I turned myself in a few months later and was sent back to DOC they took me in front of the parole board and something I didn't know could happen happened that day. I was released and emancipated. Was warned if I ever got arrested again (which I had only been arrested for running away, except once for battery) that I would go to jail and or prison.

You don't have to tell me twice

That is all I wanted for years was to be able to do my own thing so I could protect myself. I have mixed feelings about CPS. I grew up with children that may not have made it to adult hood without CPS. But I also know some including myself that yes they helped me at first but then they allowed abuse by not properly vetting those in charge of the children. I fought back once that battery charge I was talking about, two men staff decided I couldn't do my therapy walks that my therapist ordered to try to prevent me from running away.

I had just turned myself a week before because I found myself pregnant. (this was before I was sent to juvenile prison) I was doing my walk when these men on staff attacked me in front of visiting parents (thank god I had witnesses) they beat me and kicked me in my stomach over and over, I lost my first child because of that. Yes I was way too young to be a mother but I didn't deserve that. Thankfully I was able to get my parents to pay for an attorney and fight back, both those staff members lost their jobs and are never allowed to work with children again.

Freedom to do what I wanted

It was amazing and scary at the same time to be an emancipated minor. To come and go as you please but also to either succeed or fail. For me failure was not an option I was not going to be a statistic. 4 years after losing my first child I gave birth to my oldest daughter. I swore that I would do what I could to not be a statistic, and for most mothers at 18 they end up on welfare or losing their kids to the system. But I refused to allow that to happen and thought outside the box. Shoot it is what I do best after all.

Success is measured differently

But to me I find it a success I raised my children with out welfare, I did for a short time get food stamps but it was only for a few months. I have gotten all my kids through school my baby graduates in a few months. They all have good head on their shoulders (if they use it now they are adults that is up to them). Sure I have made some mistakes we all do.

The point of this story

Is to give hope to those who maybe in the foster system or in a state placement. Things can get better. Please do not do what I did and run away that really isn't the answer. And though I thought I was safer in reality I put myself in more danger I just got lucky that nothing too bad ever happened when I was on the run. If you work hard and think outside the box when you need to, you can accomplish anything.

*one of my sisters and I during the time I was in and out of state care."

CPS isn't all bad but that doesn't mean they are good either

There should be better systems in place to make sure a child really does need to be removed.

So remember if CPS comes to your door you DO NOT HAVE TO LET THEM IN (in the United States) without a warrant if they do not have a warrant You should not let them in. Be polite but firm remember they have power with judges and honey goes further than vinegar. Find out who they are and which agency they are with, and write it down. take out your cell phone and record the interaction. Remember to remain silence, you have the right not to have your words twisted and slanted to fit their reasoning's, And lastly Contact your attorney if you don't have one get one.

This is my experience dealing with the system. I didn't get into all the nitty gritty details of everything that happened. But the system did save me, even with all their problems and issues. It gave me a safety net I much needed at that time. So I can't say they are all bad. If you are a child in crisis and you need help reach out of that help. And if you get placed in someplace bad, reach out for help again and again till someone helps you.