This is my personal story of having nightmares from the age of 3 up through my teen years of my brother holding a knife to my throat and I would wake up screaming. Also, of being inside a Kaleidoscope and my brother kept pushing a button that had me spinning and spinning until I again would wake up screaming. I didn't find out until I was adult that the knife incident actually occurred. It is also a story of a Cycle of Sexual Abuse that the deeper I dig and the more I talk to siblings and cousins of my Mother's family, the more I realize that this cycle probably had been going on for generations.
Unless you read yesterday's post My Personal Story of Sexual Abuse in My Family.. Introduction - How Different Would My Life have Been Had We Been Turned Over to CPS??, you are probably asking yourself "What does this have to do with CPS?" I was asking myself the same question until I realized that seeing the flip side of the issue of keeping families together versus putting them into the Government run programs where youth are being dragged from their families, most often separated from not only their parents, but also torn from their siblings and then treated worse than they were in their homes. A lot of cases have ended up in death and in some cases, sentenced to a life worse than death. I was one of the fortunate ones!
I am writing this post not only for my own healing but also with the hope that my story will give a bit of comfort to those of you that are struggling to keep your families together. Also to those of you who have made mistakes in the past to rid yourself of guilt, blame and fear; also to encourage you to protect your children and make the changes you need to make in your lives to ensure your children grow up to be happy, healthy and safe.
Okay, take a deep breath, remain calm and pray for guidance...Be Brave, Be Bold, Be Sincere!!
THE KNIFE
As a child, I remember being afraid of a lot of things, storms, snakes, spiders, loaded guns and knives. I still get "chicken skin" anytime I am around any of these things but point a knife in my face or even in my direction and I might just go postal on you. My first nightmare involving knives happened when I was around 3 years old. I can still feel the terror of having a knife raised to my throat. I can feel the sharpness of the blade touching my skin. I start screaming as loud as I can. My eyes pop open and I feel the comfort of my daddy picking me up, holding me close and whispering softly in my ear, "You are okay. You are safe. Daddy's got you." He would gently put me down, grab my hand and say, "I think we need to make some Bread Pudding!" He would set me down at the table in the middle of the night, make my favorite dish and we would eat it together. He would then pick me up, take me to the big rocking chair and rock me until I was calm and eventually drift off to sleep. This would be our routine anytime he would hear me crying and screaming for him to "Make it stop!!"
I was in my middle forties before I realized that I was reliving a repressed memory. I was married to a military officer, had a successful career in banking, had two children and felt I had everything I ever wanted in life. Then, I got word that my father had passed away. I was devastated. I flew to Arkansas where I grew up to attend his funeral. After the funeral, two of my sisters and I were sitting in our rundown family home reminiscing about our childhood. I was recounting my nightmares of my older brother holding a knife to my throat and threatening to kill me. That is when my sister Emy looked me square in the eye and said," You really don't remember do you? That wasn't a dream, it really happened." "Don't you remember the day Uncle Junior came over and he and Sonny made me and Carolyn come in the house and gave you and Judie orders to stay outside and play? You came barging in the house looking for me and heard me crying in the bedroom. You walked in and saw Sonny holding me down on the bed and Uncle Junior was already on top of Carolyn. You screamed for them to stop hurting us and Sonny grabbed Daddy's hunting knife and threatened to kill you if you told anyone what happened. You saved me from being raped!"
Okay, that is about as far as I am able to recount today! Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and support.
Next post: Nightmares of a Child - Part 11, Inside the Kaleidoscope
If you would like to read some of the previous stories of "My Life as a Detention Officer," You will find the links listed on this post by @canadian-coconut:
CPS and Foster Care Abuses: -- INDEX of PUBLISHED STORIES now on the Steemit Blockchain
Please take the time to read, upvote and resteem the above post to show your 100% support for this cause. Also, please visit the blogs of these authors and consider doing the same. Most of these cases are still on-going and any financial support you can give them could make a difference in whether these family units can be saved!
What Is @familyprotection? What Are The Rules? How Do I Donate?
If you are concerned about where these funds are going, please take the time to read this post:
We are Family Protection, Keeping Families Safe, Together
@markwhittam grew up in the care of CPS and then many years later he and his family had to flee their country under threats from the state to take their child because they home schooled.
Linda, @canadian-coconut, started @familyprotection because she has helped several families who have been torn apart at the hands of the legal kidnappers aka. Child Protection Services.
It is up to us as a Community to uncover the truth and spread this truth worldwide!
If you or someone you know have children that are now wards of the state and/or government, we encourage you to share your story. If you are an underage youth caught up in this insane cycle of abuse and control..Please share your story..If you have friends in abusive situations..Please have them share their story. We here at steemit.com have caring people that that are willing to help you in anyway we can.
If you wish to donate in support of this project, please do so by sending your donations in the form of Steem, Steem Power and or SBD to @familyprotection
Show your support for @familyprotection, @markwhittam, and @canadian-coconut by visiting their blogs, leaving comments revelent to this most worthy cause, upvoting and resteeming as many of these posts as you feel drawn to do.
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