I am the Minister of Silly Putty.
I hereby declare that heretofore, forthwith and to wit all future indications of brilliance, genius and/or essential intelligence emitted by creatures great and small do not infringe upon the rights of those whose sludge is filled with remarkable intuition beyond all recognition. If any such persons, or beings representing such persons, or their assigns, become agitated for reasons extolling the virtues of non-existent databases, then it is permissible for those who would do otherwise to do otherwise.
If anyone reading these letters feels the need or the urge to splurge, recommend, abscond, blast into outer space, clothe or unclothe, retard, discard, or break into haphazard happenstance, then you must report immediately to the Bin of Divergent Scoundrels and fill out a Blaaah! Ticket. Failure to do so will result in your denial being requested and flushed down the proverbial toilet.
We are in growth mode, exercising every indication to evangelize the particulars and any effort to condescend to the contradictions mentioned in the previous paragraph shall not forego the concupiscence of yesteryear.
I repeat, I am the Minister of Silly Putty. Carry on with your goings on as usual and forget this memo at once.
This flash fiction story was first published at FlameFlower as the winner of the Innovative Flash Fiction Award in September 2013.