One by one, they made their way to the foot of the stage and stood, shoulder to shoulder. Every head, except the two red ones, hung quietly in shame. James was impressed.
Susan continued to establish order, “Is that any way to greet your new pastor? Andy, Swanson, what would your dad say about that?”
Andy turned out to be the shakedown victim. He stood up and straightened his glasses, “Probably not much. He doesn't really talk when he gets piss... I mean, angry.”
“Thank you, Andy. Kids, this is pastor Todd. He will be directing this year's Christmas pageant. So, you need to listen to him, Okay?”
One of the red head boys flipped James the bird then hid his hand in his pocket as Susan turned to look. The quiet girl, this turned out to be an illusion, as you will soon see, from the edge of the stage stood up and raised her hand.
Todd breathed a sigh of relief. He really hadn't wanted to talk, so maybe this was just the break he needed, “Hi, do you have a question?”
“Yes. Who's going to be Mary? Pastor Joe's daughter Liz always did it the last three years in a row. She was always Mary, but they ran away.” the girl spoke very rapidly, but loud enough to fill the room.
James almost laughed, he was going to like this spunky one, he thought. “Ran away?”
Susan stepped in, “I think you mean they moved away. Isn't that what you meant to say?” she suggested politely.
The girl was not even phased by this suggestion, “No, my Momma says Pastor Joe couldn't take it like a man, so he ran away. Anyway, can Latisha be Mary? Cause she says she is, but she wears glasses, and my Bible has pictures and everything and Mary does not wear glasses!”
James swallowed, she might be a bit feistier than he had first thought. He smiled, “Um, well, we'll have to see. Do you want to be Mary, Um, I don't know your name yet.”
“It's Lexie, capitol L -e-x-i-e” the girl answered.
“Right, well Lexie, do you want to be Mary?” James asked.
Lexie took a quick breath, “No, I'm the Angel. I'm always the angel, 'cause I talk the most. Everybody says I do. My teacher Miss Myers said she wished there was such a thing as a speaking bee, like a spelling bee, only for talkers, because if there was she would enter me and we would be sure to win the world championship.” Lexie grinned.
It was James turn to take a breath, “Okay, well thank you Lexie. I'm not an expert on Biblical illustrations, but I am pretty sure we don't know exactly what Mary looked like. I am sure Latisha would make a lovely Mary.”
A tall, gangly African American girl with thick glasses, braces and headgear, stood up and glared at Lexie, “No, I wouldn't, just look at me! My Mom thinks I should be Mary. But I would rather just be the donkey, if that's okay.”
James was confused, should he be taking notes? It seemed as if this play might be casting itself without the benefit of auditions. “You want to be the Donkey?”
Lexie stood up again and after another quick breath, she offered an explanation, “She just says that because the donkey is the only costume with a head big enough to cover her hardware!”
“I think you mean headgear, Lexie,” Susan replied.
Embarrassed, Lexie sat back down and said quietly, “Sorry, Latisha.”
“That's okay,” said Latisha.
James saw an opportunity to take charge, “All right everyone let's get started! I think we ought to start with the singing parts first. So, anyone who would like to try out for the angel, Mary, or Joseph, line up here.”
James had hoped that this move would weed out some of the trouble kids, but a chance to sing karaoke in a church didn't come along every day, and nobody was going to pass that up, except Andy. Andy was the resident A/V guy and he volunteered to run the sound system, which was just fine with James.
If you have never been to auditions for a church kid’s musical, you might not know what you are missing. James hadn't. He assumed that most kids were decent singers, boy was he wrong.
“Okay, you can sing anything you know. If you brought music to play, you can take it to Andy at the sound board.” James sat at the back of the auditorium with a notebook and pen.
Susan seemed satisfied that no one was going to burn the place down and left to retrieve some food for the poor guy, she knew he was going to need it.
Auditions started off okay with renditions of a couple of Christmas songs, then came the Flannigan brothers duet of “Bringing Sexy Back” complete with obscene choreography.
By the time James reached the stage to stop them, all of the girls but Lexie were hiding under the pews. It took an additional verse to get Andy to stop the music, and every time James took his eyes off the Flannigans they started their gyrations again.
“You're supposed to say CUT!” Andy said, throwing his hands up in a hopeless gesture, “I don't know what this means!” He drew his finger across his throat in imitation of James' attempt to stop the music.
“It's okay, Andy, for future reference,” James explained, “That means, cut, okay? And it might help if you took the headphones off!” “Can't hear my mix, dude!” Andy complained.
“Alright, can we compromise? Maybe just one ear covered?” James asked, grabbing one of the Flannigan's before he could dive into the baptistery.
Mikey Flannigan was not happy, “You made us miss our big finish!”
“Okay, well, I'm sorry about that, but I don't think your mother would really approve of what I just saw, so...” James corralled the two boys on the front row.
The younger Flannigan, Jimmy wasn't happy either, “Who do you think taught us the choreography?”
“You mean, your mother?” both boys nodded, James looked incredulous, “Surely she didn't mean for church?”
“Sure she did, she didn't care about this church, cause we're not protestant, and we’re catholic.” Jimmy answered.
“Right. Well, that will have to do for now, I can tell you boys are both excellent singers and, um, dancers!” James turned to head back to his seat, the girls screamed!
He turned back to find Mikey Flannigan standing on the front pew thrusting his pelvis, hands at his hips in fists, ala Elvis Presley. “Sit down, please, if you are going to cause problems, you have to go home.”
“See, Jimmy, I told you they couldn't appreciate talent” the boy said, sitting huffily.
Once James got control of the Flannigan’s, which, believe me, isn't easy, the rest was easy. There were only three kids left. Lexie sang Jingle Bell Rock, and managed to hold a tune, then the last boy sang Jingle Bells, at a barely audible whisper. James looked around to see if there was anyone else, “Is that it?” he asked.
Lexie shot to her feet and up onto the stage, pulling back a curtain at the side of the baptistery to reveal a little blonde girl, “Don't forget Jenny. She's shy, but, she's the best singer in our whole school.”
“Okay, hi, Jenny, I didn't see you there. Would you like to sing for us?” James asked.
Jenny took the stage, “Sure, can I sing Oh Holy
Night?”
He wanted to say, I don't know, can you, but decided to be nice. “I think that would be great. Okay, everybody listen up, this is Jenny.”
From the first note, the room got still. Lexie had not exaggerated. As the girl's voice filled the hall, even the Flannigans sat up a little straighter and stopped pestering each other. Susan stopped in the aisle, returning with James' food, and stood still, afraid of breaking the spell.
When she finished the kids unanimously rose to their feet and applauded and cheered. When relative peace was resumed, James walked up to the stage, “So, Jenny, that was great! Would you like to play Mary?”
The shy face split in a grin, “Sure.” Jenny said, then ran from the auditorium. Parents were lining up in the hall, so James dismissed the kids and accepted the hotdog and onion rings from Susan, who seemed surprised to find things going so well.
“So, everything went well?” Susan asked.
James hesitated, “I think a few of the girls may have been emotionally scarred by the Flannigan's audition, but otherwise, yeah, yeah, it really did.”
“Well, you might make it here, yet, Todd.” Susan patted him on the shoulder and left him to turn out the lights and lock up.
James stopped before turning off the last light in the sanctuary, he looked up to the cross hanging behind the pulpit and whispered, “Thanks.”