Awake (freewrite) #2

The man wakes from his dream, but can't shake the feeling of being still asleep. Everything about it seems so...surreal. Walking across the field, coming so close to the red-haired woman that he could see the little dimples in her cheeks, that grew much deeper when she laughed. He knew this, although he didn't recognize the woman.
There was something familiar about her, about the way she carried herself. He'd seen her before, in a cloud of dust. And then he met her eyes, her beautiful, forlorn eyes that spoke so much to him. There were volumes of stories in them and they all concluded in a wave of sadness.
Depression.
It was depression, he recognized it almost immediately. It was something that once seen could not be unseen. And he knew, by the sadness in her eyes, how he knew her. And he understood, after all those years, who the woman with the red hair was.
Of course, how could he be so blind, he demanded of himself...He'd watched this very woman crumble into pain and suffering. He'd seen her break apart with his soft eyes, and no matter how much he'd tried to piece her together, he hadn't succeeded. How could he have?
He was just a child.
He remembered now, with crystal clarity, watching his mother walk to the window, as if in a trance. And he hadn't known. He hadn't understood what she was doing. He was so small. And he watched this red haired woman lean out the window far. Too far.
And he'd known, even then, that she shouldn't be leaning so far, because she never let him lean so far out. And he opened his small mouth to warn her, to tell her to not lean so far, but she was already gone.
Out of range, out of his life.
And he'd locked her so very deep, so far away, that later he hadn't even been able to recognize this red haired woman as his mother.

'I didn't know,' he whispers, hearing the break in his own voice.
And the red haired woman lifts a pale hand and touches his unshaven cheek. She shakes her head no.
'Don't be sad,' she whispers. 'It was not your fault.'
With his mother's hand on his face, he cries, for the first time in all his life. He'd been too small to cry, to mourn the death of his mother. To him, she'd always been the woman who leaned too far out.
There was no concept of death in his small world back then.
'You mustn't cry, it wasn't your fault,' she tells him again, as if that's supposed to make everything better. 'I was so unhappy.'
And he hopes, looking up at his mother, he hopes against all hope, and yet still he asks. 'And are you happy now?'
He knows the answer already.
'Yes,' her lips break into a thin smile and he can see the dimples in her cheeks. Just like he remembers her. She hasn't aged a day, while he has become an old man in a young body.
He'd hoped she'd say 'no', he'd hoped she'd missed him, just like he'd missed her.
'But I do miss you,' she cries, seeming so surprised. 'I did miss you, my love, my darling. But I watched you. It was as if I was there with you.'
And there it is.
'But you were not,' he tells her and immediately hates himself.
'I'm sorry, Lukas, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't realize how much this would upset you. I love you more than anything.'
And he can see she means it, but it's so little comfort. There's a fire rising in his belly, burning away at his insides, his lungs, at his heart. He wants to spit in this woman's face for what she did to him.
'It's okay to hate me, Lukas,' she says, reading his mind. 'It's okay. Just know that I love you. Always.'
And she's so sincere, so very honest in her love and her feelings, as if the past twenty-five years haven't affected her at all. And this makes Lukas so tiny, so very small.
He feels....un-missed. And it's a horrible feeling.
He turns his back, to walk away from the red-haired woman, his eyes drowning in tears to the point where he sees nothing.
'Lukas,' she whispers, catching his arm. 'You have to do something. You can hate me all you want, but you have to promise me to look for someone.'
'I won't do anything for you,' he whispers through gritted teeth. 'Nothing.'
'But it's not for me, Luke, it's for you. It's for your world. There's something very bad that's about to happen. And only you and Cherry can stop it.'
And Lukas opens his eyes.

I know I don't have an Awake #1 on my blog, but this is a continuation to: