5 Reasons why the new Harry Potter sucked [Spoilers]

The Harry Potter legend is one that will be around for years and years to come. I remember reading my first HP book in Orlando, hidden from the sun beneath a beach towel at the Wet ‘n’ Wild water park, and not going on any rides at all because I couldn’t put that mother down.

Now, some years since the concluding chapter (and a failed effort by JK Rowling to enter the adult book market), The Cursed Child has appeared and is making its way onto bookshelves over the country.

Should be awesome right? Well, here are my 5 reasons why The Cursed Child sucked.

1. Ron… what have they done to you?!

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Ron was always a clumsy mess of a ginger man. But this book took it to the next level. I couldn’t help but feel like they’d dipped Ronald in a vat of glue and told him to suck it up. Whereas in previous books there was a certain charm to Weasley’s foolishness, I couldn’t help but feel it was a bit overplayed in HP:TCC.

2. The infallible Polyjuice potion!

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So this one’s a two parter, and something that nods back to the Deathly Hallows book. The Ministry for Magic – the guarding power house of magical objects, items, spells, wizards, witches, and everything that spunks out the end of a wand (at least in England at least) – has a massive hole in its security. Even after three wizards infiltrated the MoM in the same way in Book 7!
Surely, in the name of Dumbledore, the MoM must have some anti-jinx or protection against the polyjuice potion. How can three kids sneak into the lording house of magic without so much as a ‘How d’ya do’? HOW?

3. The Minister for Magic’s office is severely under-guarded

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‘Alohomora’. Need I say more?
We all know that there is protection against that spell, look at Philosphers Stone (Sorcerers Stone to our transatlantic cousins). In the room with the flying keys the spell doesn’t work. But OH! When it’s breaking into the MINISTER FOR MAGIC’s office, ‘Hello-homora, why don’t you come the hell in?’

4. It’s a play script, marketed as a book

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I can’t begin to dive into the amount of low-star reviews on Amazon from excited Hogwardians who believed they were purchasing a novel. Prose. An in-depth story created from the world of HP, only to find that they had purchased a theatre script. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge advocate of theatre, but at least advertise and market your book in a way that isn’t so ambiguous.

5. There’s nothing new

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Books 1-7 of the series introduced a whole new world of wonder. Every book felt different with new elements of magic introduced and new angles on the muggle and wizarding world that just got bigger and bigger.
HP:TCC had nothing new. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
Time-turners = done. Polyjuice potion = done. Harry Potter vs Voldemort = done. Parseltongue… need I go on.
The whole thing was an uninspired rehash of old material. Believe me, I wish it wasn’t, I was excited to see what new depths of magic would be unleashed. But alas, that was not the case.

Understandably there are those that still loved the book. What’s not to love about more of that HP white powder to sniff under your nose and get the old nostalgia ticking? For me, I was expecting far more, and was disappointed.

Have you read HP:TCC yet? What were your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.

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