Where Are They?
Hello from Canada.
Many moons ago, your American media pushed plenty of long, boring days worth of political propaganda my way. If I signed in to social media, there it was. If I turned on the television, it was there.
Children even dressed up as Donald Trump last year for Halloween. The brainwash, was in full swing.
I'd Like a Refund
I didn't ask for this garbage. Near the end of the turmoil, but before the riots, many people took to social media to tell everyone they were moving out of the USA and into Canada. Like they can just do whatever the hell they want. I had a feeling it was an empty threat, but I prepared anyway.
I've seen the other propaganda about immigrants. Many months of conditioning made me paranoid. I did not want to be surrounded by "illegals" who can't even "speak the language."
Yee-haw git er dun, y'all!
I didn't care about how so many of these people saying they were "hitchin" the next ride to Canada were celebrities and dressed nice. I wasn't falling for it.
As a matter of fact, I had jobs lined up for the lot of them. I thought damn, they can work for me on the cheap and then sing and dance in the evenings. Employees that pay me benefits? Sign me up!
I thought about selling tickets for these events and did some promoting. Now I look like an idiot.
I heard a few who look like they can work hard were coming to Canada as well. Big guys, who like to play with balls. I thought I'd give them jobs working in the field, since they were accustomed to playing on one. I thought that was the least I could do. Not one of them showed up for their first day of work. Damn immigrants...
If I Build It, They Won't Come
I spent nearly seven thousand dollars on used materials for the wall I built around my property. I'd like the money back and I think Trump should pay for it.
I also think it would only be fair if American refugees did the work, for free. They will need the work experience anyway if they think they can compete with quality Canadian citizens for jobs.
I seriously thought I'd be fending off wave after wave of American zombies. I knew they'd be quite harmless, since we wouldn't let them bring their guns along unless they somehow managed to fit one up their rectum before crossing the border. It's also hard to answer questions like, "Are you bringing any weapons or ammunition along for the trip," with a mouth full of bullets.
The zombies didn't show up so I'd like to be reimbursed for the shovel I purchased. I used it first to dig a well since I had a hunch the immigrants would hoard all of the conveniently bottled water. I then planned on using it to whack them over the head if they tried to climb my barricade.
That Was a Poem
There are a few other things that now need your urgent attention, USA.
The neighbors claim my recent behavior and construction projects have brought the property value down. At first I thought I'd get the last laugh. It turns out, nobody is laughing.
In case I get sued, be prepared to pay lawyer fees and jail bail in case I decide to take matters into my own hands.
A few other things worth mentioning:
- Fourteen pallets of gourmet dog kibble to feed the employees.
- Forklift rental. (has not been returned yet)
- $647.45 worth of canned peaches. They were on sale.
- Four Bic lighters.
- Spaghetti. Lots of spaghetti.
- 700 lubricated condoms. (to store well water)
- A Barbie convertible.
- Bingo dabbers.
- Season Two of the Walking Dead. (research purposes)
- Four thousand sheets of paper, pens, envelopes and stamps. (so I could still blog in the event of a power outage)
- A short bus.
- A bucket.
- A mop.
- An illustrated book about birds.
- Turkey baster.
- Hair removal gel.
- Blank VHS tapes.
- A tarp.
- Handcuffs.
- Propane tank.
- 1978 Husqvarna 250
- Nail clippers.
- Nail polish.
- Nails.
- Dried apricots.
- Soy sauce.
- Pancake mix.
- Two dozen eggs that have yet to hatch.
- A side mirror for a 1986 Buick Regal
- Seat covers.
- Three cases of ketchup packets.
- OEM copy of Windows XP
- A 4-pack of triple 'A' batteries.
- Canola oil.
- Fortune cookies.
- Popsicle sticks.
- White glue.
- Glitter.
- A yo-yo.
- Oregano.
- Coffee filters.
- One small spatula.
- An 8-ball (1 gram shy, not sure what happened there)
I require a full refund for everything listed there plus a few hundred dollars for processing.
To Conclude
I will never listen to these maniacs again and I am very upset. This is one Canadian who has stopped excessively saying, "Sorry."
It's now your turn to apologize, but honestly, as the famous song once said:
"It's too late ta pologize... it's too late."
