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"The bigly bad, very bad bad media has been telling you #alternativefacts again, all media is against me, why don’t they love me, why?" We heard Don screaming at the top of his trememendously healthy lungs last night.
Some proof of the very badness of the media is here: Images of Donald Trump in a bathrobe flood Twitter after Spicer says he 'doesn't own one' Source: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/07/images-trump-bathrobe-twitter-sean-spicer-doesnt-own-one
We don’t know what his big deal is about Bathrobes, but now, right here WE will tell you the TRUTH.
YES we exist! We are Don’s Bathrobes, and we have more than a few secrets to tell.
Of course Don has bathrobes, we are all coloured White, no Black, Latino, Mexican, or Hispanic Bathrobes are permitted…obviously.
there are many rules to being a Trump Bathrobe.
First is the fact that there are 7 of us, one for each day/night of the week.
Only Don can wear one of us.
Mel Trump has her own set of 7, they have a higher cut, more like a miniskirt really because Donald likes women to dress like women as you probably know. Once Don mistakenly wrapped one of Mel’s Bathrobes around himself…NOTHING hung out down below…and those robes are cut very high…(Don likes to be able to see and easily grab her pus…).
We were surprised that nothing hung out below, I guess that’s why he likes those long long ties, he needs to feel…much much longer.
We are all stored in a special closet with an 18 digit combination lock and fingerprint scanner. I suppose the LONG combination code is to remind hm of all his money…much of which is outside of the US, in several of those things you would call tax shelters…or maybe to fool him into believing that he IS long enough, so it’s that overcompensating thing again.
The fingerprint scanner sometimes has a problem scanning his very tiny thumb on his small hands as it takes 3 or 4 attempts to finally unlock the closet were we all are hidden away from all prying eyes…don’t quite know why there is such shame attached to the ownership of us…maybe it’s a slave/ownership thing.
We are not allowed to talk about Don owning one or indeed any of us..that is strictly prohibited, if we get found out it will mean certain destruction. So that Spicer guy was right, there is absolutely zero possibility that Don owns, or has used, or likely to own or use a Bathrobe or Bathrobes.
Let’s keep this between you and I, OK?