Saying no as a parent can be tough sometimes. Finding the boundary between being too soft and being too hard isn't easy. Sometimes you're thinking that you're probably too hard and sometimes you think you're as soft as a bunny.
Before we continue, good evening my sweet Steemicans, I hope you'll enjoy this read as it was a little difficult to open up myself.

Too young to realize

My childhood time was splendid. At that time I wasn't aware of the problems I would face when I grew older. Most of the weekends my mother would take me and my sister to the lake in my birthcity Ghent. We spend most of our time there and during summer we always returned to the sea.

My dad couldn't help it

My father was mentally ill and psychically not capable of doing things with our family. More of that will be written in the next part. I will never forget the things my mother did for me and my sister. I want to clear this out before moving on so you won't get a wrong impression. My mom was also obese and we both love to eat. I guess we both teamworked ourselves into obesity. Below are pictures of my mom how she looked before and a picture taken more recently during mother's day when I took her out for dinner.

Puberty and reality kicking in

As soon as puberty kicked in jokes were made about my weight. Yes, I was obese but my mind was constantly saying 'you are a fat pig'. I would never think like that about other people that are obese but I would about myself strangely enough. I didn't get bullied to a high extent. They would say things like 'you're heavy, big guy, ...' or would laugh during sports when I was unable to perform a kind of exercise. It was bad enough though to make me feel more depressed and down. As a result I ate more just to make me feel better. When there were problems at home food gave me pleasure and solved my problems . My mother didn't say no against me overeating and she should have. She didn't guide me to eat healthy. At that age, during childhood and puberty, I didn't have the mental power to change. Not even when I was that unhappy, in fact it took me a long time to drastically change.

At the highest point my weight exceeded 130 kilograms or 286 pounds at the age of 14.

There is nothing wrong with being overweight

Don't misunderstand me, as long as you feel good and healthy, you don't have to change. Modern society and their ideals are way over the top and too 'perfect'. If you are a (little) overweight but have the confidence and the good-feels why change? People will love you because of your personality and your positive energy and not because you look fine. I would choose a happy and positive person any day over a sad and negative creature.

Stretchmarks, mirrors and weighing machine

Up and until today I will constantly check my appearance in mirrors or even windowshields. I can't help it, it's a remainder that will probably keep on following me. The same goes for the weighing machine, that darn weighing machine! Every day I check my weight, constantly fearing I gained weight. To me, how others look ain't important but the way I look is very important. I am a positive person, not depressed and I feel good now but I can't help it. These things won't change and I learned to live with it. I am 28 years old without problems, a good life, a good psychique and financially stable. I have no complaints but this will always be part of my identity.

Say no as a parent

When I was really depressed I would blame my mother (the most important person in my life) for not guiding me and not helping me to live healthy. When I grew older and stepped out of depression I realized she just did everything to make me happy. Times were difficult between my parents and a divorce was always delayed until my puberty. Only because my mother wanted to be a family, for me and my sister. I love eating up and until today but the way I enjoy food has drastically changed. Now eating healthy makes me feel good as before sugars and fats did the trick. My mother did learn me the difference between not always getting what I want. That's a common mistake parents sometimes make. When your kid is crying and doesn't give up because he or she wants something badly, don't give in. At that moment your kid might despise you but in the future he will not remember or thank you and be grateful.

How I am today

I wouldn't change any phase in my life. It made me the person I am today and the only thing I want to get rid off are the stretchmarks, that darn weighing machine and the mirrors. The god darn reflections!

How I look today

Thanks a lot my Steemicans. I hope you enjoyed this read, if you did please be sure to follow me to take the ride on the next rollercoaster ride called life!
Spreading the love since 1988 <3