I have been sent to this planet which you wrongly call Earth, when in fact it is Eart.
Studying your behaviour for many years is really made me confused, sad, happy…. everything you all call feelings or emotions or more recently some of you younger Eart dwellers just call ‘feels’.
I’ve been hanging out in a rapidly devolving human skin sack for around 38 years now but every so often I am teleported back to my superiors to give a report.
I live all over Eart and can transport myself anywhere in just 0.03 seconds, so I don’t collect Airpoints or Airmiles in fact don’t even go near Airports…why would I…waste of my time.
For some odd reason my superiors decided to send me here as a human/alien, and yes I have a human spouse and we're legally in many of Eart’s countries married. Did they do this to me as a joke or a test of my nerves, it’s OK…no it’s great, and I love my life here on Eart and my human spouse.
Occasionally I need to eat, not too often only every 34 .54 seconds, yet strangely I maintain a slim human style figure.
Maybe it’s the diet.
I used to mostly shout out on Twitter @pqlenator, but I think I’m gonna like this better.
Oops gotta go my boss is signalling that I’m due to report again, damn... right in the middle of sex again why can’t they wait another 14 hours.