I can't remember mentioning it on Steemit before, that I am the middle child with an older brother and a younger sister, with a 2 year gap either side.
I remember playing with both siblings whilst growing up but mostly with my sister. My brother had cousins of a similar age whereas me and my sister often have moments of nostalgia about the games we played. I've always got on better with my younger sister.
Since we've grown up, I can't remember having arguments with my sister - we'd disagree about some things, but I'd never walk away thinking "you twat".
Recently, I've noticed that every "conversation" that I have with my brother is different. I regularly think "You argumentative twat" and have now reached the point that there's absolutely no point in talking to him. If I were to say that today's Wednesday, he'd disagree. Our World views appear to be fundamentally different, I'd even go so far as to say they're opposites.
I don't understand why. We were brought up by the same family, in the same house, went to the same school, had the same opportunities, etc. but we couldn't be more different.
It was at a family BBQ last weekend that I really noticed this. Whereas previously, I'd shrugged off his comments as a petty and irrelevant, this time it was more obvious to me.
It started in a light conversation about crypto and blockchain with my cousin. Both openly admitting that they don't really understand Blockchain. After a brief summary by me (with my limited, researched knowledge), my brother had decided that it was rubbish, as was all crypto and the pointlessness of it all. This, from somebody who 5 minutes earlier, didn't understand what they were disliking.
Then it moved on to something else - again, an opposite view. Followed by something else - opposite again. To the point at which we had to go home and I spent a large portion of our 2 hour drive home complaining to the-mrs-gorilla and wondering why.
It's a strange feeling, deciding that after growing up with somebody for over 40 years that all future conversations won't go much beyond "Hello". But it's a sensible decision, I'm bored of arguing with him and before anybody has the bright idea of not arguing, it's impossible. Even whole hearted and enthusiastic agreement would find its way to another battle. Silence is genuinely the only option. And having discussed it with my mum, it appears that I'm the only one he does it to.
I'm fairly certain it all goes back to our childhood and our choice of music. Looking back, my brother clearly liked better music than I did and every time he said he liked a band or artist, I decided that I didn't. Almost without exception. This was allowed though - I was probably only 8. Not in my 40s. Other than that, I think it runs deeper - an unintentional jealousy in that whenever we did anything as brothers, I was better than him at it...
We both played chess - him being fairly decent but I was one of the best in the county.
We both played sports (Football, Hockey and Rugby) and even at that, I would regularly play for our school whereas he wouldn't.
Music... we started learning instruments - he quit, I played in concerts.
Even after leaving school, he quit uni and bummed around various jobs whereas I completed 2 degrees and had a successful career.
So in my confusion, perhaps there is some clarity to me now - I grew up. I don't feel the need to be competitive and fight over everything because I don't need to. I don't feel that I have anything to prove.
Perhaps he hasn't and still sees me as the younger brother that he still needs to beat at something.