Here it is, another letter from Tempest, the boat cat. She's really thinking things through lately and this letter got a little long. Three whole pages this time!
Enjoy!
Dear Paris,
I've been pondering some things lately. Things like the fact that I live on a boat. Don't get me wrong, I don't MIND living on a boat, not at all. As a matter of fact, most of the time it’s pretty damned nice. I mean, I don't have to deal with the bullshit that land cats have to deal with like other animals coming into my territory.
Except those bloody loud assed bird that try to come around whenever the humans throw food overboard, but the little dog seems to be somewhat useful in keeping them from getting too close. I don't blame them, really, her bark is the most annoying sound I think I've ever heard. I wouldn't want to be getting any closer to it than I had to, either. I guess I'll have to let her stay on, though, since she does, as I said, keep the loud ass birds away.
That being said, there are some downsides to living on a boat. The first and only one I'm going to mention today is the fact that when I lived on land and accidentally stumbled off of my property (through no fault of my own, of course), I didn't fall in the fucking OCEAN.
You may or may not realize this, but I don't swim. I mean, I CAN, and I will, but it really seems that swimming as an activity is quite beneath me. The humans seem to enjoy it and do it (on purpose) almost daily. The young one, Abyni, she just steps off of the boat and then just swims. She doesn't go anywhere in particular and doesn't seem to have any purpose whatsoever in this activity and yet she does it day in and day out, over and over again like a hamster on a wheel
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I really think that you need to get these humans to put a fence of some sort around this floating piece of property. It would make it much easier for me to hunt flies and other assorted snacks that I might find on the boat. I mean, it wouldn't exactly help me with my hunting, but I could at least focus on hunting instead of making sure I am not falling to my death every time.
I should clarify, lest you think that I'm a clumsy sort. Quite the contrary. I'm quite agile and have amazing balance. However, I am so very fast when I run and hunt that sometimes my speed overtakes me and I don't have time to compensate when I hit the outer edge of the boat. There have only been two instances when I've fallen overboard and I have managed to save myself both times (with absolutely NO help whatsoever from the humans on the boat), so obviously I have talents beyond those of a mere normal land cat, but I'd really prefer to stay out of the water from here on out, if you wouldn't mind putting in a good word for me.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
Tempest,
Queen of the boat pets, Overlord of the floating Castle of 11 Purple Monkeys, Feisty Cat of Many Talents.
Read Previous Tempest Letters:
