Get your funny on! Take some time to relax and get your funny bone tickled with some humour!
#10
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
#9
If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
#8
Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France.
#7
Why will congress never impeach Trump?
Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
#6
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
#5
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
#4
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...
Thank you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day!
#3
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
#2
Chinese doctor opens his new clinic.
A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
#1
I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"
Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome." He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."