For the last month or so, I've been dealing with some back pain. I started going to physiotherapy twice a week, and I really thought it was helping. Now I don't know what to think. I was doing multiple exercises a day, and we even started working on other issues, some I've had since high school. As a pole vaulter in both high school and college, I've had a number of injuries including a broken ankle, slipped disk, dislocated shoulder, torn ab muscle, and even a hairline fracture in a small pedicle bone in my lower back (had to wear a back brace for eight weeks because of that one).
This morning, I leaned out of bed to reach for something, and my back went haywire. A muscle tightened up fiercely, and I let out a loud "Ooooowwwwwww!"
It's been hurting all day. The Aleve I took in the morning didn't touch it. I spent most of the day in bed, but did get to watch a Mission Impossible flick I hadn't seen yet. By the afternoon (and a second Aleve), I tried walking a couple miles and a warm shower. I alternated between ice packs and a heating pad most of the day. It was starting to feel a bit better and since we have a trip coming up (and I'm long overdue), I reluctantly agreed to let @corinnestokes cut my hair as she normally does. It took two carefully positioned pillows and an ice pack to get through that sitting. It's still not doing well. Most of the day has been spent in bed watching anime (@brettflorio got me into Erased, and I'm on episode 8 now. No spoilers!)
Probably the one thing that helped me feel better today was the martini I had before dinner. Probably like most people, when I'm tired, hungry, or in pain, I have a much shorter fuse. I got really frustrated at my son today and raised my voice a couple times. It was a battle just to be... me.
Is this what people with chronic pain go through every day? Are they in a constant battle with their own negative emotions not to lash out at people around them?
How do they handle the pain?
I'll be calling the physiotherapist as soon as they open (it's a holiday tomorrow) to see what can be done. I may have to take some time off work and just rest. One thing I do know, I have to have more understanding for those around me. I can't possibly know what others are going through and what pain they might be feeling. It's so easy to quickly judge without having a half-a-clue what battles they are facing.
Today was a pretty crappy day, but it was also a reminder. I need to be more understanding. When I'm in a compromised state of mind (hungry, tired, hurting, etc), I need to take an extra calming breath before flying off the handle. I also need to remember others around me are struggling too, so give them some slack.
This isn't the post I planned to write next. I wanted to talk about expectations. This day didn't meet my expectations but just served as another reminder that I am not in control.
None of us are.
All we can do is make the best with what we're given.
Now, on a more practical level, let me ask you: What do you do for pain? How does it effect you and how do you cope with it?
Thanks for reading. I hope to be real in my writing in the good times and bad. They all shape who we'll be tomorrow.
P.S. My last journal entry can be found here.
Image: Wikimedia via Harrygouvas, Creative Commons 3.0