A physicist visits a colleague and notices a horseshoe hanging on the wall above the entrance. “Do you really believe that a horseshoe brings luck?” he asks.
“No,” replies the colleague, ‘but I’ve been told that it works even if you don’t believe in it.’
A guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him, 'Nice perfume.....which one is it? I want to give it to my wife.'
The lady said, 'Don't give her. Some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her.
In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying, “General, I fear the angels are waiting for you.”
“Waiting are they? Well – let 'em wait.”
Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Rascal, yesterday I gave him food. Today he gave me a book on, "How to Cook!”
Two men walk into a bar and the bartender asked, ‘What can I get you gentlemen?’
The first one says, ‘Can I have h20 please.’
The second man goes ‘Get me a h20 too.’
He died.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Mom and dad were fighting.
Teacher: So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student: One of my shoes was in mom's hand, and the other in dad's.
Man A: You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts.
Man B: And do you have life?
Man A: OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
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