Fine is a typical answer to the question “How are you”, but often the question really means, “hello” and fine means “hello” back. Fine is also the response to someone who really is asking how you are, but you don’t want to talk about whatever it is that makes you say “fine”. Being fine sucks. At best, being fine is equal to being okay.
Fine is dismissive. It can say leave me alone, which is occasionally appropriate. But it can also be a test. It says if I tell you what’s really going on you might regret asking me how I’m doing. Do you really want to know?
Fine is prophetic. When people say they’re fine, they tend to stay only fine, their lives don’t get much better. Sometimes it means they’re not okay at all, and they are saying they’re fine in hopes that they will become okay.
Successful people aren’t fine. Think about the successful people you have encountered in your life. (Success is not defined by or limited to finances, but can include any area of success in life.) These people don’t tend to use the word fine. They respond with words like great, fantastic or awesome. And if they do happen to use the word fine, they’ll repeat the word for emphasis, and they don’t leave it there, they will tell you about it. Even if they’re having a struggle of some kind, they’re good and getting better, but they’re not just fine.
Fine is not fine. Let’s change our vocabulary. When we greet each other let’s do just that, greet. Say hello, good to see you, hope everything is well with you, but let’s not ask how someone is doing unless that’s exactly what we want to communicate, that an answer to how you’re doing is what we expect to hear.
Here is the “fine challenge”. When you’re telling someone how you are, use words like excellent, great, fantastic and awesome, even if you don’t feel that way. And the next time someone tells you they’re fine, ask yourself if there is something you can or should do. Sometimes it is best to let them alone, but sometimes it’s a missed cue that they might need something and you can help.
(Banner by @son-of-satire)
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