Yo,

Yes, I am an angry dude. 

And I am here to help you out. I know that may sound like I am disqualifying myself, but if you're like me, I hope you can find some solace here knowing that someone is going through the same struggles as you are.

I am 31 this year and this is honestly one of my biggest flaws.

I don't get into trouble or anything. I've never gotten into a fight before in my entire life and I always ultimately do the right thing.

I walk away from fights.

I avoid confrontations.

I let it be.

I tell myself to be the bigger person and simply try to let it go.

But ironically, all of that has served to guarantee me going home feeling pissed off with my life and everything around me.

Though I've never gotten in trouble with the law or hurt anyone (that badly), I always end up ruminating over things that angered me.

What pisses me off the most is when someone thinks that they can bully me, insult me, slight me or just walk all over me and get away with it.

As a result, I had this idea, and am still coming to terms with it that they "won." My wrongdoers got away with it unpunished.

I end up thinking of what I could have said, should have said or should have done.

And being a dude, I always come up with scenarios of fighting (how ironic) and kicking my wrongdoer's ass.

This is toxic. It only made me angrier. And sometimes I end up doing stupid shit like breaking and throwing things around the house.

It eats me up inside knowing that there's no justice and that I am constantly dealt a shorter hand in life.

But I got tired of that.

I got really tired of feeling angry all the time. It ruins my day, month and year.

It's just not worth it.

I've come to realize that your thoughts are your reality.

Yes, what you think is equal what you feel.

It's all perspective.

It's all in your head and hence in your control.

How you want to wake up everyday is entirely up to you.

If you want to wake up feeling the Monday blues, then all Mondays will suck forever.

If you want to wake up and think of that bully from long ago, then that's all you're going to get.

If you want to wake up and feel everything is going to go wrong, then something will definitely go wrong.

So, I try not to overwhelm myself today.

I just learnt to breathe and then think of that breathing.

I literally take a breath in, and then think, "I am breathing."

That's. It.

I was always usually against these ideas because it came across as some cheesy, new-age, hippy tripe to me, but really, it kind of works.

It's just a mechanism to interrupt the bad shit going on in your head so you can be aware of the present and what's in front of you.

image from: https://drandreadinardo.com

So often in life, we're always getting frustrated and angry over the past (things that have happened and essentially don't matter anymore) and things that don't even exist yet (the future, wrought unrealistic expectations.)

That's why you need to chill and be aware of the present and what's in front of you.

Just breathe.

Be mindful then: "I am breathing."

Interrupt all that negative in your head. 

Restart. Think of something new. Think of something better. 

Try at it. Focus on what's in front of you.

Remember, your thoughts are your reality. 

This is a start you can try now. I am not here to feed you the cliche that is positive thinking, wherein people try to jam in supposedly positive thoughts. 

That's too overwhelming.

Just breathe, be aware of that breathing and restart.

Give it a shot, give it some time and I am sure things will get better.

It works for me at least. I am better of interrupting all the fight scenes in my head.