Recently I've volunteered as a listener at a site that offers online emotional support. You text-chat with a stranger.

You often find that these people haven't got an outlet among friends or family to get things off their chest. As an impartial stranger you're valuable because they can say what they need to say - often completely uninhibited.

I'd like to turn what I've learned from it into a series of articles for Steemit. My aim is to look at emotional issues from first hand experience and conversations. Then give practical explanations of how to manage them.

I'm bound to confidentiality. But nothing here is personally identifiable information.

Firstly, the world is quite a lonely place

Many people are lonelier than it seems. Even those who look extroverted and popular can be very lonely at times. Sometimes those in groups are lonelier than individuals - since there is only so much they can communicate within their friend/peer group.

Many people look at Facebook and think "all my friends are having so much fun and look so happy". But often those photos are fake/staged/posed.

Sometimes it's very genuine. But other times those smiles are forced.

What I hear is that people expect to have lots of close friends, but are often very lonely.

They think that everyone else has it better than them. And that there must be something wrong with them, because they're not very close to anybody.

But it's actually very rare that you have very close friends. From what I've learned, if you have 2 or 3 in a lifetime that you trust with everything - you're probably quite lucky.

The key is to get comfortable with yourself and be your own best friend - until you meet people who 'get' you

Secondly - the worst feeling in the world is invalidation of your emotions and thoughts

Healthy relationships rely on good communication. Good communication means being able to express how you're thinking and feeling. It also means being able to listen, be aware of and accept someone else's emotional reality.

Whatever you think or feel is valid

It doesn't matter if you're not supposed to think or feel that way. That's your reality. It might be different for other people. You're entitled to have feelings and thoughts - however strange or unusual.

Relationships get toxic when you're not allowed to express yourself - or when someone denies that you feel like you do.

At least 50% of the chats I had with people were down to being negated. Parents didn't listen to my "talkers" - they disrespected their needs and didn't listen to what they said. Husbands ignored their wives and their needs. Often one partner was controlling and wouldn't listen to the other.

When there's a breakdown in communication, guess what? The person who's been negated gets depressed

For whatever reason (financial/fear/obligation/loyalty) - the person feels they have to maintain that relationship with the other person. So that relationship and energy festers - it becomes anger / resentment / fear /despair / depression and helplessness.

Then they come online, talk about this and they suddenly feel 10x better. You listen. You hear. You accept their emotional reality (which other people in their lives can't do). You hear their worries, fears, concerns - just as they are. You summarise their feelings and accept them as real.

Miraculously their energy shifts!

Instead of feeling like there's something wrong with them - and that they need to change. You accept them as they are. Their whole energy, complexion and cells change. They breathe more deeply, gain confidence and have more energy to take the action they need to take.

Thirdly - people put unrealistic projections onto a fantasy future

People have dreams about their future - getting married to the perfect partner, finding the perfect job that fulfills a passion and pays 6-figures, living in their perfect house with their perfect children.

What their fantasy world misses is that it's just that. It's an ideal.

In reality that "perfect partner" has their own needs/desires. They may leave and love someone else. Finding fulfilling work is rarer than you're led to believe. That perfect house needs to be cleaned/maintained/paid for. Those children will often cry and wail, and they'll need your constant attention for at least 5 years. You'll need to change their pooey nappies, feed them, water them, mentor them, teach them things, entertain them. All this in addition to managing a house/job/mortgage/bosses/clients.

While that all may be very rewarding. It may also be overwhelming. The reality may have very few similarities to the fantasy.

It's very common that people project that these relationships, children, ideal work and whatever - will bring them blissful joy and be the end of their problems. But it's not.Then this leads to a sense of disappointment, despair and obligation.

It's a disillusionment. But in that dis-illusionment comes wisdom.

You ask yourself what you hoped from those things. Why? You learn about yourself. You learn about your flaws and fears that drove you into needing to believe in this fantasy.

Then from there you can go into things with realistic hopes and expectations.

As a listener - there's only so much you can say to someone in the space of a text-chat and a few minutes. But I spoke to a few women who'd had these projections about their dream man/husband. Then he wasn't living up to their expectations/fantasy and they'd felt let down.

Most things you have expectations for will let you down. But that's good because it paves the way for something more grounded, honest and fulfilling

"Ultimately, you know you best"

That's how I usually end one of the conversations. Because ultimately you know what's best for you, you're the expert on yourself.

The root cause of the issues above is usually mistrusting yourself, your feelings and instincts. If you're kind to yourself and accept your own feelings as real - then you'll always make the right decision.

You might (and will) clash with people who don't feel much, or can't accept their own feelings. But if you're true to yourself and your guts then you have everything you need to be healthy and self-sustained