My last post highlighted a dream that I analyzed which pointed out how impatience and anxiety were having a negative effect on my heart/emotions. More specifically, it said that my thoughts were inducing anxiety and creating impatience and I was keeping the emotions they created separate from others. The guidance was to be more tolerant and accepting.
But!? What does that even MEAN!?!
Around that time, I was listening to an alternative radio station, KKNW 1150am, and heard a woman named Leslie Fonteyne talking about the type of energy healing that she does. I knew I had heart chakra and solar plexus issues (I felt tension there) and called in to experience a sample of her work. As I told her about the feelings I sometimes felt in my chest and stomach she did a tiny healing session over the radio and I legitimately felt lighter after she was done.
A few days later I searched for her website and scheduled a free 10 minute consultation. We spoke and I liked the sound of her process so I scheduled a 75 minute session for $150. Ooof! This had better work, I thought.
On the day of the session I hid in my car for privacy while my boyfriend juggled the kids so I could focus. Leslie works by calling in the energy of ascended masters to participate in the session; she channels the healing energy from a distance and clairvoyantly watches the work being done. The session was lovely but to be honest, I didn’t feel lighter or awesome afterward. I suppose I felt a tiny bit more ‘present’ but I knew that a transformation session can take days or weeks to fully shift old energy, so I wasn’t disheartened.
The next few days I felt more tired than usual, and since this is a common symptom of any detox I knew it was a good sign. The thing that really locked in the healing is what happened the very next day though.
I went to the mailbox and brought in two identical pieces of mail. They were both bills so I stood there and slit open the back of both envelopes at the same time. In the very, very back of my mind I quietly heard myself say “you should only open one envelope so you don’t accidentally lay the second one down and think you’ve already read it and then not pay that bill”. As soon as I corrected this almost insignificant behavior that had initially felt natural and fine, I felt the familiar tightness in my chest and stomach.
A-HA!! That was it!
That anxiety, something I felt on a regular basis anytime I cooked dinner, or planned a birthday party, or spent any time trying to streamline a day of important tasks finally had a root cause! I was literally breathing down my neck! It was so quiet that I had never really noticed it but it was constantly judging everything I did. I wasn’t CONSCIOUS of it! I can’t tell you how many dinners I’ve made that left me so wound up at the end of preparation that I was no longer hungry. It was because I spent the entire time second guessing and ‘should, shouldn’t-ing’ myself.
I mean, is there really a right or wrong way to open mail?!? All it took was hearing that I was doing this to myself (no doubt a result of being overly corrected [usually with violence] as a child) to nip it in the bud. I decided that I had the freedom to open the mail any darn way I pleased and that “right and wrong” thinking was not going to rob me of my basic creative expression.
And that was it. I just needed to get in touch with that program and rewrite it.
I can see now that I was being a perfectionist; but, back then, I would have adamantly denied it on account of my cluttered house. My mind was silently insisting that there was a right and wrong way to do anything and that I (and others) had to do it the right way.
No one can live peacefully with that kind of constant pressure and judgement!
Thank goodness I figured out that the root of my anxiety was “right/wrong” thinking. I believe that the energy session with Leslie Fonteyne brought a little bit more of my awareness online so that I was able to see and hear my own thoughts. In the end, I still had to ‘do the work’ of healing myself, but it was the expanded consciousness she facilitated with all of the high vibrational healing energies which helped. The session allowed me to become more aware of myself and in so doing, to choose a new way of being. All healing must come in layers and I have a few more to shed, I’m sure, but I am certainly less critical and judgmental of myself and others now. And that feels great.
If anxiety is a feeling that anyone reading this commonly experiences, it might be worth it to tune in and see which thoughts are creating that feeling. Is there something that you might be doing “wrong”? Or is something “wrong” with you?
To opening the mail anyway you please 😊
April