Every year, for the last 3 years, mid march to the first week of April is a hard time of the year for me. I had never been familiar with deep grief until I had lost my mother during this time 3 years ago. She had suffered a stroke and remained on life support for about 5 weeks before we made the family decision to remove the machines and let her rest. She had always had the opinion that if machines were needed to keep her alive, we were to let her go, and we honored that.
3 years later, the grief is still there, but it doesnt pour over as frequently as it used to. The past 3 years have shaped my life more than the previous decades in some ways. Grief is something I dont think anyone ever truly "gets over". It just doesnt come around as much as time goes on.
When i do have my days of missing her, I take walks down to the creek. Being here gives me a soothing sense of peace and a connectedness with nature, along with a real appreciation for the present moment.
Focusing on a single flower blooming from the leaf litter can give you great perspective on life. Even in the farthest hidden corners away from our eyes, life finds a way to continue.
Working with my hands also gives me peace during this time of the year. My mother was a multi talented person. She did everything from shoot guns and throw grenades in the army to crochet blankets for all the grandkids. Using my hands to nurture and create gives me a connection to her spirit through my expressions. Gardening is helping me get my hands back into the dirt and connect with the planet. My mother grew up in a poor family as cotton workers. Gardening was the only source of food in her time and it helps me understand and appreciate what she had to do in order to live her day to day life.
I also like to try to learn new things this time of the year. Like my mom, i also like to aquire many talents and I try to focus on a new skill each year. This last two have been focused on homesteading skills, and now I would like to start on a more artistic venture.
Glass Blowing and Lampworking
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Heather and I both are excited to start this craft together. We have been focused on all things related to building up the homestead, but not any creative outlets that could also support us. We plan on making our own beads, ornaments, and pendants, then wire wrap or braid them to sell at gift shops and the like to start out, but my end goal is to offer memorial glass services, where ashes of a pet or loved one can be encased in glass to create really unique and beautiful treasures. It is an artform that is calling to my soul and I am so excited to get the starter kits. We wont be able to get the startup materials (roughly $200) for another few months because of bills (and a need to eat haha!) but we are in hopes to start out this summer or fall.
Doing a combination of these things is what helps me deal with the grief and loss that will wash over me, even to this day. It gives me fuel and strength to do what any parent would want their child to do when they pass on. Live.
Live full, move forward, be well..