This is not going to be a recipe on how to cope with dangerous situations. In critical situations out on the streets, potential attackers, or even rapists are likely to be physically stronger than you. They may show up in groups. But many of these attackers are psychologically weak.
And this might be another line of defence: Allow your mind to be irrational by the meaning of doing something unusual and “break” the situation by a moment of surprise. Let me give you some examples:
New Zealand - Meeting “Harley"
Once, travelling somewhere in northern New Zealand, a girl I was flirting with, took me along to some party together with some of her friends. We found ourselves in the moonlit night on a patio and a beautiful house, overlooking the Pacific, lots of beer and some cigarettes, which were handed around smelled kind of unsual. I was all absorbed in the romantic setting and communication, drank and smoked happily and did not even notice that I had not met the host.
Which was not surprising, considering the fact that “Harley” did not even know about the party in his house. When this 2 meter tall rocker type came home on his bike, he was not quite amused to see lots of people drink his beer, and smoke his funny cigarettes. He did not even know them. In fact, he was not at all amused.
So, he seized the first person he could find.
That was me.
I remember looking up in surprise to what force had suddenly pulled me up from my seat. It was a mountain of a man, growling at me:
“So what qualification do YOU have for being here?”
Ooops. Good question, actually.
What would you have answered? Excuses? Um. He did not seem to be in the mood to accept them. Trying to calm him down? Bad idea.
But my mind was perhaps in a bit of an illegal state and dizzy as I was, I smiled happily at him, answering in my best English with something like: _“To brighten you all up with the clear light of my enlightenment!” _
Dumbfounded, he stared at me and then mumbled “Well… I guess that’s all right then.” And he left to grab someone else. Immediately, my friends jumped at me, dragged me out to the car to get the hell outa there while I protested wildly. Such a nice guy, would have liked to talked him some more..!
Lesson learned: It is not so easy to punch someone in the face, when this person is honestly happy to see you.
And at least, it may give you some seconds of surprise. And a baffled oponent means seconds of freedom.
Berlin Kreuzberg - street scene
Recently, a friend of mine watched an unpleasant scene in Berlin. A highly aggressive man shouted insults and threats at a woman, perhaps his wife of girlfriend. My friend immediately started to make strong wishes to be helpful for everyone involved. He took a turn to pretend walking by accidentally, still having absolutely no clue what he would do the next seconds. And then, he kindly nodded to the man and said in a very friendly tone: “My, you really have a strong voice.”.
The man stopped, and surprised, he said “Thank you”. And for a moment, the two of them actually smiled at each other. Aggression immediately dissolved and no more load voices were heard. Sometimes, it really is that easy.
Near Moscow – The Bear
Travelling in Russia, my girlfriend and I were at a party last August. Some guys got drunk and one of them decided to fight that strange German guy. He came to me and aggressively told me of the days when the wall came down 1989 in Berlin and he was stationed in Potsdam - a trauma for many then Soviet soldiers. He was looking for a fight. And once again, I failed to notice that I was about to run into serious trouble. My girlfriend was more observant and would no doubt have fought her best. He was not tall, but broad and all muscles, giving him the appearance of a bear. And Russian, angry bears are not to be joked with. He would have whisked her away and once again, my front teeth were at risk.
Being genuinely friendly can be a force. To my surprise, I laid a hand on his shoulder and found myself telling him, that he and his comrades saved the world in those days. If one of them, just one soldier, had freaked out, this could have changed the course of European history – and surely not for the better. As I praised and thanked him, he very calmly answered, touched almost to tears. Within seconds, we became friends and embraced.
I hope to see him next week in Moscow.
How many of us find ourselves "breaking" situations?
I have never been engaged in a fight in all of my life. So, I probably developed alternative strategies that I happily share with others. Not because I am in any way special. Not because it is a recipe. But because I want to find out, about other concept breakers out there. I am surely not the only one to crack up situations. And I would like to hear your stories. Hashtag it "conceptbreaking" if you want.
It would be so great to inspire others to prepare their minds for such situations. Turning the situation has worked with many people I know. It definitely helps, as my friend did in the street scene, to make intense good wishes for the offender and everybody else. Takes away the focus from yourself.
Have you made similar experiences? How did you get out?
And to finish today’s article, here is a video of an epic prank, that shows how strong (north American) men who are about to engage into a street fight can be sent off screaming…:
Next article will be a little less harmless: Sexual assaults and conceptbreaking. Difficult subject. But the stories, some brave and highly unusual women have told me, should be heard as they may benefit others.
picture source
PS: I write exclusively non-fiction. To protect my friends’ privacy, I may choose to alter some of the location and names. Other than that, all of the events have taken place as described.