Today I've attended a traditional engagement ceremomy.
It was a happy occasion with lots of friend and family attended, local wine known as bahar is served, is something that I was looking forward for, it has been a while I haven't had a taste of it.
On the way back, I had conversation with wifey on traditional engagement and wifey ask me again on my views of it.
You see, in a traditional kadazanDusun community, engagement is something that is observe with respect, negotiation happen with village head in presence.
This time around, I find it interesting that their adat required the father of the bride and the bride to stay in the room until it is finish. Different area apparently has different native ruling
What's on the table of negotiation include, how many water buffalo, size of land and amount to be paid by the groom , date of marriage and all cost involved for the wedding to be paid by the groom.
Sitting by the corner, I was like.. Holy cow. I guess I was lucky during my time.
You see. Me and @viverridae didn't had any of those engagement process.
When we were dating, I asked myself, can I imagine growing old with her. Right after I was able to visualize it, it became clear that I need to marry her so I told propose to her, she said yes and ask her to arrange a meet up with her dad as I want to discuss about it, that is after knowing her after a month or two
The day came, I went alone for the negotiation, unlike what happen today, the groom brought the whole family and it was a huge event.
Her father did asked me about being engaged first, but I decline and negotiated my way to get married immediately. Three month later seeing her walking on the aisle toward me was one of my happiest moment in life, that was 10 years ago.
So the conversation in the car today was about my views on engagement.
I told her that I honestly feel that engagement is a waste of time and emotion
It is as if you are not confident in the idea of being married, and I believe it is unfair to the lady, as you set expectation, reputation could be ruin if everything turn sour before the wedding date.
Anything can happen during engagement time. Engagement is like giving the man a handbrake, I honestly think that is ridiculous, a man need to be more responsible with their decision once it is made, so why give him an option to pull out after all the big occasion.
If I have a daughter, I want her boyfriend not to waste my daughter time, be real or get lost.
If little @matthewdoughty grows up, I hope he read this, as much as you need to treat a women with respect, treat her time with respect too.
Anyway, I am thankful that I got an understanding in laws, who put aside their cultural way (adat) and supported my ways to see us through to have a wonderful wedding and marriage life. Or perhaps, it was one of my best pitch in life during our negotiation time.
Of all the things Ive done, this must be one of those I am proud to got it right.
Anyway, the bahar today was good.
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