Are You Selfish?

It's good to be a giving person, right? We learn to share our toys, not to be selfish; to help when we can, as much as we can. And I believe that. Selfish people are wrapped up in themselves, which makes a very small package. We don't want to be selfish, or even have people think we are. Because that would make us a bad person to them, and maybe to our own idea of ourselves.

In contrast we are told that we can't give from an empty bowl; on an airplane to put on our own oxygen masks before trying to help anyone else. Another analogy is to give from your saucer, not from your cup – to give the extra that you have, but not all that you have.

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My experiences with feeding the wild birds has given me another way to describe it. I put birdseed in the feeder the birds are welcome to have all I'm willing to share. They aren't allowed to come into my house and demand more!

There are people who can be 'black holes' of energy. They absorb your energy but are never filled. They absorb all the energy that comes their way but don't give any back. If you stop feeding them, if you block your energy drain, they will think you are being selfish.

Which brings up the topic of manipulation - someone calling you 'selfish' if you don't do or give what they ask. I had to have quite a few of these experiences before I caught on. You are selfish if you don't do what they want? Wait a minute, wouldn't that make them the selfish ones? I think that's a question worth asking.

Where we choose to draw the line between giving and selfishness is ours to decide. Do we draw different lines with family than we do with strangers? Do we have trouble saying “No.” to unreasonable demands? You can't blame someone for always putting their hand out if you always fill it.

Again, this is for each person to decide and there's really no 'wrong' decision. You can judge from the results. If you feeling that your energy level is low, that it is being drained you can make a different choice and see what happens.