It was Day 1 of @steemfest, and @sjennon had accompanied me to a meeting with @roelandp. He offered to buy us dinner and we ordered ourselves a delicious meal at the Canvas restaurant. Unfortunately, the food when it was delivered was just terrible!
It was extremely salty, therefore almost inedible. In a few minutes after Roeland left, we gave up eating. We didn’t want to unnecessarily waste the food so we managed a little, drinking large sips of water to gulp it down. But no more! When the waiter came to ask me how it was, I just blurted out that it was absolutely horrible and asked him to convey the same to the chef.
He was apologetic and left with the dishes. Shannon looked at me and said, ‘Dude, you can’t do that!’ I wasn’t sure which part, so she clarified that I can’t be that direct! He could’ve felt bad. I realized that but then it was the truth. I had to let him know that a meal (very expensive and paid for by a friend) went wasted, so that this situation doesn’t repeat itself!
I didn't mean to offend, it's just that I’m generally quite direct and often simply straightforward.
However, I know how to appreciate people, and I do it with great enthusiasm, sincerity and honesty. But, when I criticise I remain amicable and constructive in putting forth my views. Only rarely do I lose my cool!
But, in that moment I was exhausted from being on my feet all day long and I hate it when a restaurant messes up an order causing wastage, and ergo was overtly direct in my feedback. It wasn’t personally directed against the waiter nor was my tone rude but I had to express my disappointment and I did!
This situation presented itself yesterday when I was out for lunch with my friend @varunpinto. This time however I managed to weave some humour into my feedback to the waiter as I sent him away and remembered this incident from my trip.
To Sugarcoat or Not!
Sometimes being overly honest can lead to embarrassing situations. If you recall Jim Carrey’s movie, ‘Liar Liar’ he went through a dreadful number of situations where he was unable to stop himself from being honest. He would constantly embarrass himself or the other person. Often hurting their sentiments, especially that of his son.
Do you often find yourself sugarcoating situation that you utterly dislike?
How relevant is honesty today?
Honesty is a virtue, and being brutally honest is something many of us aspire to be! But is it really relevant today?
If you think about it, it could have disastrous consequences. You might ruin your friendship and lose a valuable person in your life from being direct and honest. Your boss or colleague might take offense to your honesty even if they are at fault. You might find them being racist, unethical, unprofessional and when you state the facts they might find it unacceptable to hear your feedback and eventually screw you over for stating facts. A facebook troll might even try to hack into your account and damage your reputation!
In our personal and professional lives in order to remain polite and cordial with one another we generally avoid being too direct. Even if it means we have to sugarcoat things when we relay across our points. Because, truth be told, not everyone is capable of dealing with an honest opinion or criticism. In some cases they may not even be mature enough to take a straightforward feedback even if it's beneficial to their lives or career!
Judging and Hurting Sentiments
We are constantly judged by everyone around us. It’s nearly impossible not to do it ourselves. However, if you value your personal or professional relationship with the person, sometimes one can avoid being too direct and hurtful, and side step a little to relay your point across without any need for sugarcoating. Call it diplomacy if you will, and it isn’t always possible but many times you can work things out without ever hurting sentiments. Most often than not, there is never a need to hurt anybody’s sentiments!
Nobody cares if you are frank!
It’s true! Just because we like to be straightforward, doesn’t mean that others will take our words and sit tight. They may not deem it necessary to even take it at face value and chances are they won't. If we are abusive in our responses it might trigger retaliation more often than not. Often souring relationships beyond any scope of repair for the rest of our lives!
When we put our points across we must make our intentions doubly clear! If we prefer to be frank, we must also expect someone giving us feedback to make their intentions clear about why they are telling us something. As long as it's constructive, it is easily digested. If it isn’t abusive or a form of personal attack then most people would welcome it.
Objective Criticism Is The Best!
It best to look at situations objectively and follow a rule of thumb that people are always sensitive to your harsher opinions and judgements. Sometimes, it can cause an immediate backlash! You might even cause the person to withdraw into a corner by putting forth your views and cause them great stress or anxiety over a situation that might not have needed such a harsh response.
If you consider yourself thick skinned, remember someone else might not always be that way!
We must always put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and provide our opinion about what went wrong instead of how the person is always wrong in doing it. Having a colleague or friend with a strong or frank opinion can sometimes complicate situations in a personal-professional environment where sometimes our colleagues are also our friends.
But, at the same time one cannot sugarcoat things all the time. People need to realize that an honest feedback is to help better themselves than simply pointing at their inefficiency.
When we speak to someone we must be receptive of their views. It will help us in identifying how capable the person is when it comes to accepting feedback. When we criticise someone non-verbally or verbally, in-person or on the internet, as long as we can present the benefits of improving the situation by a change of attitude then it’s likely that the other person will understand us.
The Bright Side of Being Brutally Honest!
People often find direct and straightforward people to be reliable, trustworthy and dependable. It allows one to build up credibility in the long run. One gains reputation from being direct and not from a 24/7 sugarcoated banter that will likely put them off.
So what can I do?
Remember, being sensitive to others’ feelings doesn’t make you weak! Chances are you will achieve the desired result. Perhaps even build a strong long term personal friendship or professional relationship with them. It is always best to exercise some empathy and tread carefully without hurting others unnecessarily.
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