Life just seems to pass us by...
Where has the time gone? "Didn't I just spot you from across the dance floor, yeserterday, can't believe it has been two years…"
Dreaming, always dreaming of what could come, she rolled out of bed, shivering, she slipped on her house coat. Fall again, when it seemed like just yesterday it had ended and the vibrant growth of spring encompassed the death and decay of somber winter.
But, alas, what can she do about, other than go on and accept the perpetual forces of this world.
After completing her morning ritual and grabbing a hot cup of coffee, she sat down in front of her tablet. Cursor blinking and nothing, not a wiggle of inspiration.
Her phone buzzes next to her, seeing it is him, she contemplates answering.
It has been two years, (24 months, 730 days, 17520 hours, 1051200 mins, 63072000 seconds) since first building up to the nerve to invite him for a coffee. Time seems to be passing but with out progress; without express of love back, and without commitment.
She ignores and looks at the screen again. Still nothing inspirational.
Her phone goes off again, this time a text message, "How are you?"
How am I?... she mulls this question over in her mind. Sudden inspiration!
Typing, with fervour, she is able to let out all that has been held onto. From the moment of realization of love, to the moment of realization where love is not returned. The short visits, the sleepless nights and never ending reasons for all of it.
How good it felt to let all fly from her mind and heart onto black and white.
In her eyes, he is nothing less than perfection. A strong personality and intellegent mind. Perfect compliment to her ambitious and creative nature. Yet, it seems to be a dream. How can she have allowed herself to fall so hard when receiving nothing of validation in return? Heart aching so deeply, sometimes for the loss of a moment to look into his ever searching eyes…
When she started seeing him he made it clear the restrictions she would be facing but ignored the warning. There had been an instinct within urging her to see him again.
She lay on her bed in her darkened room. Blankets tucked up to her chin, she lets out a sob. Uncontrollabe, ugly crying; she has been left alone again. Knowing what was coming she had invited her into her room. Was this for love or lust? She was in love, so lost in a love she couldn't comprehend and he, lust...
It felt as though she could write a whole novel on this subject. Her life.
He had been honest, something she had not known for such a long time. He had been confident and strong, something she knew nothing about. He challenged her every being from the ideologies instilled from her childhood to the last few minutes before she would see him. He was interesting…
Having experienced so much hurt in her life, this was an opportunity to feel something different. something he empresssed she had been missing all this time and it was true, the past partners were abusive and selfish. Dependency on her to prop up their own emotions or controlling to the point of not being able to leave the house without fear… And so many lies.
She craved his masculine form and nature, opposite of all she had encountered in her past. He oozed a primal scent that women made fools of themselves over. Yet she would watch him from afar and see him do nothing to engage these women. Later he explained how he was not attracted to this kind of woman. What did this make her? A confession like this can lead any woman to believe they are something above the others…
Musing over this last little bit of writing, she thought was this all his game? Again, they had drifted apart and for reasons she did not understand. A pattern had developed in their relationship, and she had fallen into allowing herself to feel comfortable.
The more she wrote and thought about the past two years, she began to see how she had grown into this relationship but he appeared to stay the same. Not able to see what was in front of him, she could no longer wait.
Her dreams were fading into nightmares...What was keeping her tethered to him? At first, it was great to experience something new and potentially grow as a woman being with someone who has different perspective, culture and experience in life and this grew into a hope to grow with him. There had been subtle hints placing her mind a concept they may be one day together, but never did she believe so much time would pass and still he did not know why he was still with her at all…
Time was ever moving and changing, it did not wait.
"Don't ever take me for granted," she told him after not seeing him for two weeks. He had made her feel less than nothing, devalued to a point of so much pain, she did not want to speak with him anymore. Yet, with blinding love, she gave their relationship another chance…
Here she sits again, waiting, as time passes by... but for what?
Original fiction by fitmama
Top image taken by fitmama and edited, image location
Clock in above image was added via editing to an original photo. Clock image sourceThank you for taking the time to read my blog! If you would like to continue to read my writings, please upvote and share to keep them active :) <3 - Fit Mama
