This morning I sit at my oversized dining room table, it's like the round table the knights congregate around with King Arthur, only a giant square... so nothing like the round table and I do not have a team of knights and I am not a King, or queen. I sip my cup of coffee. Decaf, not caffinated as I prefer not to vibrate up and own on my seat....
My mind is clouded by so many different things taking place in my personal world. I'll spare you the gritty details but I can say staying positive and not breaking down are getting harder and harder to accomplish with each passing breath. Breathing is difficult...
Mental and emotional stability are of the utmost important to surviving in a world with numerous secrets unravelling and the downward spirals set upon your personal life by the planets overhead and they both fading fast...
When you are an ambitious and ever creating inividual such as I am, you develop grandiose ideas of where you see every aspect and choice of your life going
This blog is supposed to be a huge hit, with hundreds if not thousands of adoring fans, followng my every word. Upvoting me to the point I am no longer required to leave home to find work outside of it.
My Personal Training business is expected to have the same roaring applause and _lucrative compensations_as my blog, and well my facebook pages are, in my mind, the very marketing tool I need to spread my addictive writings and programming abilities to the whole world, so as to take it over!
How to overcome such incredulous ideas and high expectations of my self? I don't believe I ever will but then it becomes a concern of self management. I'm not suggesting to stop dreaming big, because we need to dream and be imaginative and creative. This is what humankind is.
We are not meant to work a 9 to 5 shift during the weekday, a schedule created by Ford to improve his companies production. There was a point where we woke up and did what exactily for sure I don't know, because I can't say I was there experiencing it.
What we percieve is not reality, it is fabricated. It is for production and consumption. We get up and go to work to create the very thing we get up and go to work to purchase. ...... Let that sink in a moment..... Anyways, this blog isn't about the everyday work conundrum, it is about coping and not losing your shit while trying to live at least semi-outside of the box.
A lot of pressure comes from having a family to raise, and tougher when you do it alone...
I have four young men to raise....
As a woman you can't imagine how much of a daily battle this can be. But I believe I have instilled, at least, the respect they need to give women without taking shit from women as well. We discuss openly world and societal issues and the more personal situations involving, drugs, alcohol and sex.
But there is a breaking point for one person and it comes from the necessity to earn a large sum of currency to access the items of life sustaining proportion created of this very planet we inhabit. With everything being propriortized by many corporations and government, we can't just access what we require.
Today dear readers is a day, I want to stop
Stop everything. Stop writing. Stop thinking. Stop trying. Stop momming. Just stop. Stop the flow of currency. Stop the implimentation of government control is all aspects of life and resource of the planet. Stop the posioning of our sky, water and food. Stop the perpetual work week wheel from spinning. Stop the theft via taxation. Stop the licensing and insurance scams. Just stop.
In some moments, tears flow. Today is a day with moments such as this. The more I thnk the worse it becomes but thinking can't end. Critical thinking is what lead me down the path I am on today, no matter how overwhelming, physically, emotionally and mentally.
I'm sure you would like me to come around to the point of this rant, coping with the mental and emotional stressers of trying to live in this society....
It is this;
And this;
I remember this is above me and my self doubt. It is for family, and humanity. To support, give guidance, love, and respect for each other. Too save humanity
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