There is a saying that says something to the effect that life is what happens to us while we wait for our plans and dreams to come true. Modern life certainly has become complicated for the vast majority of us. The pace of technology and the demands of society, family, and economics seems to dictate a destiny for us. It is easy to feel that our happiness is subject to the terms and conditions that are set for us by our environment. It very easy to get overwhelmed. Sometimes even the most tenacious among feel hamstrung by these complexities. In the light of this it is easy to feel that life has an uncontrollable momentum that takes away our choices.
With so many voices that tell us who and what we should be or become it seems to almost be selfish to ask ourselves both who and what we should become. While we may aspire to the things that we want for our life and career few people actually get there. Many simply do not believe that getting what we want, what we really want, is somehow unrealistic. We settle for so much telling ourselves that we don’t have have such a bad life and ask ourselves who we think we are for asking so much.
So how do we take back the control of our lives? How do we get on the path to our dreams and goals? Here are at least five steps to getting the life that you deserve.
Set a vision for your life. Try to be specific about the qualities that you are trying to foster in your life. Be clear and purposeful. Approach this vision through the lens of your passions.
Don’t restrict yourself to a specific playing field or the only way that something can happen. Life can be surprising and we often find that we find something we really enjoy comes from a path that we would have never figured it could come from.
Give yourself permission to be happy. Many of us are convinced that we are not worth to get what we want out of life. It is easy to feel like we are not good enough to be happy. Who says you can’t be happy and content with life? Who do you give authorship over your happiness and why? Because you made a mistake or let someone down. Buck up. All of the greatest people in history struggled but they prevailed because they came to the conclusion that they were the only ones who should have the right to define their existence.
Practice what I call responsible selfishness. We all need to eat, sleep, evacuate, etc. These are all selfish needs. By definition anything that we need to do for ourselves is selfish. But this is not a bad thing. If we do not take care of our basic human needs it becomes hard to address and be accountable for the needs of others. For a blatant example if we do not eat we will not be around very long to help those around us. This is true with most of our basic human needs for growth. This is true for all of our needs, mind body and spirit. It is actually irresponsible to not take care of these needs as it robs us of our compassion and spirit and prevents us from doing our best for everyone.
Balance. Just like eating a balanced diet is important for our physical health it is just as important that we have a balanced physical and emotional life. We have all heard the saying, “all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy”. It is incumbent upon us to seek balance in all things in life. If we lead an unbalanced life we deprive ourselves of the fundamental tools that are required to be successful.
Life is an incredible journey. When we read through adventure stories and follow our favorite characters we tend to glamorize their predicament. We may tend to underestimate what it would really feel like to actually live in that existence. It is easy to feel triumph when your hero gets to the end of the story and overcomes his / her obstacles. We remember the victory and forget the path that led them there is what made the difference. Our hero would have never gotten to the top of the figurative mountain had they not gotten on the path. For better or worse that very path was key to what got them to their goal. Perhaps they may have gotten to the top on another path but that is not the way it happened. Though there are many paths there is only one traveler. In the end any path may do but there is one path that will do for you. It is the one that gets you where you need to go in the way that only you can do it. Maybe others will take another path. You have certain tools to use in life and everyone is different. What works for others may likely not work for you. So look at where you are now and give yourself the permission to do what you have to in the way that you have to do it.
While these five steps are not completely inclusive of all of the steps that may be required to get to where you want to go in life, they are the foundation to setting yourself free. I challenge yourself to show yourself the compassion and permission to address these basic and fundamental needs. Realize that no one can do this for you. Once you do you can start to become the author of your life and write your own hero’s journey.