* The pressure of the 30: can we talk about crisis? *

Each vital decade is accompanied by new changes, challenges and experiences, as well as new obstacles and goals. In this sense, the pressure of the 30 - or rather, of the current 30 - brings with it many doubts and feelings for which it seems that we pass on tiptoe.

We have all heard of the famous crisis of the 40s, that "midlife crisis" that was coined by the psychologist David Levinson in the 60s to name the vortex of vital questions and conflicting sensations of this vital moment. Later, the psychoanalyst Erikson would support the existence of this crisis, explaining it in terms of vital revision.

With the passage of time, although different authors have disagreed as to what is the reason for this famous crisis, we could say that its existence is a universally accepted phenomenon.

What is the pressure of the 30?

However, we can not lose sight of the pressure of the 30. Something happens in this vital moment that feeds on social expectations, internal frustrations and a sense of a "duty to channel life" often unfulfilled. We speak of that motivation to achieve stability against that which encourages us to nurture the dynamism that characterizes youth. A crossroads, in many cases, difficult to manage; and more if we take into account that it is not uncommon for there to be family or social pressures in the mix.

More and more frequently we reach 30 and we realize that what we thought was going to be happening when we reached this age was nothing more than a utopia: the one for which you are constantly asked and that you sometimes find when you look at the life of other thirties. Then you compare yourself and you feel more lost, less realized and the options of redirecting the disaster seem null.

The great pressures of the 30

In this vital moment, there are different areas that we tend to evaluate. Perceiving such evaluation as negative can even generate frustration, anxiety and / or a depressed mood.

Couple and family life

Recovering Erikson, he points out the importance of building relationships of intimacy around 30. In this way, he explained the need to generate close, reciprocal and trusting links as a source of wellbeing in this moment of life.

In line with what this author said and making a brief reflection of what is socially expected, we can conclude that the 30 seem to be that moment and we should have a partner, family, future plans ... something stable and safe. Therefore, the absence of a stable relationship of couple, becomes, for many people, cornerstone of this crisis of the 30.

Work and independence

You have studied, you have dedicated yourself to what has arisen and you have scratched under the stones to find anything that coincides with what you did not so much want to be. You have stopped looking for what you like and you have conformed, or you would like to have an option with which to conform. You may have given yourself to the moonlighting or you have undertaken. The issue is that you do not know if it is the crisis, bad decisions or bad luck, but you still do not achieve economic independence and "it's time to start buying an apartment".

Change of priorities

It is a time when there is a big change in terms of priorities. While it is true that there are ages in which the priorities are more uniform (for example, in adolescence the peer group, the sport or the first couples ...), with the passage of time, the priorities become more personal and situational , which can make us feel far away from people who have always been close.

Change of plans

Leisure time tends to be more scarce, responsibilities multiply and the frequency and characteristics of plans suffer a clear change. It is possible that we feel more identified with plans that we used to do in the past or that make us angry to make proposals that fall on deaf ears. It is even possible to feel a great sense of emptiness if we perceive that we have no control over the changes. When we do not act on these feelings, we can feel socially frustrated.

How to manage this moment?

These are some issues to take into account in the case of being overwhelmed by the 30s and their pressures.

Take perspective

One of the keys so that the age does not suppose a period of emotional vulnerability is to take a step back in search of perspective. Where is it written "when should it be"? and the standard that measures my fullness is external? And, if so, what's the point?

Maybe the pressure of the 30 does not have to be your pressure.

Your life, your goals

It is good that the neighbor of the fifth thinks that you are going to pass the rice, but everyone cooks and eats at home. People ask, talk, hint, wait ... But people are people, and you are you ... And you are the only person with whom you are going to spend 24 hours every day of your life. Seeks to meet your expectations. The pressure of the 30 will not last a lifetime ... Or yes. It depends on you. Value your needs and build your own goals.

Everything may be useful

Despite the efforts, the desire and the work, there are many things beyond our control. There are walls for which we do not have a staircase, but maybe going up to some point allows us to observe that something else shines elsewhere. With each vital phase we grow. Albert Einstein said that "Darkness is the light that you do not see", and it will not be me who will take away his reason.

Join the change

If you are bothered by changes in your environment, maybe it's time to change something. Change the complaints for proposals, the laments for search of motivations. Maybe it's time to look for priorities, to find a passion, to meet new people or change their environment. Look inside you.

In short, value what you have and where it can take you. Most of the time, health is enough to undertake a journey towards oneself, towards a goal or towards an attitude. May we live this set of events how a crisis will depend on each person. And yes, it is true that we live in society and that pretending to flee from his "dictatorship" may seem impossible mission ... But behind the pressure of the 30, this one who lives it, and behind each person, a thousand possibilities. Look for yours!