In truth most people I know or that meet me, have no idea that I am significantly hearing impaired - I have become masterful at masking it from people generally.
My hearing impediment is a massive insecurity of mine and contributes greatly to my anxiety and unwillingness to throw myself into social situations.
I rely heavily on my ability to read people's lips and body language, to enable me to cope on a day to day basis - unfortunately this doesn't always work.
I struggle to hear in most situations but it is far worse in crowded or loud places, I can't separate the sounds from one another and in the end miss everything.
I wasn't born with any hearing issues or concerns, these developed a few months after I was born.
How this happened:
By the time I was 6 months old I started getting regular and disastrous middle ear infections, my mother would put me to bed healthy and happy only to be woken in the early hours of the morning to my screaming.
When she would come in to check on me, she would find blood and muck pouring out of my ears - when I get ear infections they tend to result in the ear drum bursting.
Now this wouldn't have been a massive issue if it had only happened a couple of times, however it happened so often we lost count.
I was taken to see multiple specialists and no one knew why my ears were prone to infection or why it would happen so fast and cause so much damage.
Finally we found a Dr that suggested a CT scan to get a better view of what is going on, it was during this time they found that my eustachian tube is completely horizontal - no slope or slant at all.
As one of the eustachian tubes primary function is to drain fluid from the middle ear, we finally had a cause for all the middle ear infections I was constantly suffering.
At this stage the Drs decided grommets were the way to go, simple get the grommets and the fluid would drain away = no more ear infections.
However I am also a severe asthmatic and every time I would go to the hospital to have the procedure done, the anesthesiologist would listen to my chest and then send us home.
No doctor would agree to put me under usually saying something along the lines of hearing issues aren't life threatening, but putting you under anesthetic could.
So with no way to prevent the infections from happening, they continued and didn't get any better as I got older.
The Permanent Damage:
As the infections continued and my eardrum kept exploding, significant damage had started to occur by the time I was 12 years old.
Once it was ascertained that I was not only suffering pain from the ear perforations, but after so many ruptures of the eardrums - I was now showing signs of moderate hearing loss.
Again the Drs requested a CT to determine what if any permanent damage had occurred, the results shocked everyone especially the doctors.
I had suffered ear infections in both ears, but my left ear is the one that has endured the most damage.
After countless perforations of the eardrum the drum itself has collapsed, most eardrums are convex mine however are concave.
After countless burst eardrums the skin of my eardrum had gone slack, every ear infection would stretch the skin literally to breaking point then it would burst.
The skin of the drum should have returned to its original taught position, but after countless stretchings and perforations the skin had weakened and now sagged.
Now this isn't ideal the drum is supposed to be taught and filled with air, the drums main function is to take sound from the air outside the body and convey it to the ossicles then onto the oval window of the cochlea.
Due to my eardrum being concave the sagging skin there has eroded away the 3 tiny bones inside my left ear, the malleus, incus, and stapes have all been destroyed and are absent from all scans.
These bones are attached to the eardrum and these then in turn connect to the oval window of the cochlea, essentially this is the way sound is interpreted by your body.
So my left ear is now missing crucial structures that actually amplify the sound to the inner ear, that coupled with the convex drum - sound has little chance of amplification to the inner ear.
I remember sitting in the hospital with the team of specialists, to be honest they seemed thrilled and excited - apparently none of them had ever seen or heard of anything like this before, I have a feeling there's now a paper out there about my ears.
After the 6 ENT (ear, nose and throat) Doctors had a good look for themselves, they asked me if they could let all their students through to also have a look - I agreed but there was at least 30 more Drs that came to check out my ears.
This also happened on subsequent visits to the hospital, the doctors informed us that there was little they could do for me medically and referred me to Australian Hearing.
My First Hearing Aid
I was around 14 years old when we finally managed to get me my first hearing aid, I was so excited at what this would mean for me and how it would improve my life.
Well unfortunately that wasn't the case, whilst it was amazing to wear at first I soon found that the aid I had may have amplified the sounds I couldn't hear - it now blocked most of the sounds I could hear.
I found it uncomfortable to wear as it is so hot here in Australia having a piece of plastic sitting inside your ear canal is unpleasant to say the least.
It also had a tendency to scream at high pitched frequencies whenever anything came near my ear, even my own hand would set it off.
I soon found myself wearing it less and less, one time I even accidently left it in my pocket and it went through the wash and destroyed it - though I did manage get a replacement shortly after.
I came to realise that whilst it helped in some areas it really wasn't helping me on a day to day basis and I eventually stopped wearing it all together.
My Recent Hearing Loss
So over the past 15 years I have managed to get by and for the most part, people were oblivious to the hearing loss I suffered.
However just after I joined steemit last year I got a terrible combination Viral/Bacterial chest infection, I am only now 6 months later starting to get better.
This chest infection grew to an ear infection and now my ear is full of fluid, it has no current infection but it is full and has no way to drain this fluid away.
Because of this my hearing is now worse than ever, this prompted me to go back to Australian Hearing and see if things truly were deteriorating.
I went through an examination and a hearing test, the results showed a significant deterioration of my hearing specifically in my left ear.
I now have a moderate to severe hearing loss in my left ear, yep that image above shows that for me to hear some frequencies they need to be over 70 decibels - and at this volume I can only just make out that there is a sound.
During these tests the audiologist discovered that whilst my middle ear is completely destroyed, the cochlear nerve is completely undamaged.
After discovering the undamaged nerve she recommended not only getting back to see some ENT doctors, but that she would arrange for me to get a bone conduction hearing aid.
Is it that big of a deal?:
So after all this time of just getting by I now find I can't any longer, it's not only that I drive people crazy asking them to repeat things to me again and again.
It's all the things I miss out on, my non verbal autistic kids have started saying more and more words and I am missing them - this sucks on two levels, firstly because I miss hearing my babies talk and secondly because I don't know when they deserve praise for talking.
I have also had issues when dealing with strangers at the shops, teachers and doctors as well every day is a serious struggle I miss hear things are respond to things people didn't ask - it's embarrassing and awkward and it really doesn't help my anxiety at all.
One of the worst things is in dealing with the police, I don't tend to see them often or anything but if I happen across a random breath test I freak out.
There is so much background noise on the side of a road hearing them is virtually impossible for me, so I have to guess what they are after.
It can be dangerous when you can't hear things, I can't always hear sirens I have to rely on my eyes for emergency vehicles.
I struggle to hear footsteps when walking out at night, so I have no idea if someone is coming up behind me - though I must say this is often just used by people who know me, so they can scare the shit out of me.
I can safely say that I was ready and willing to move ahead with this new style of hearing aid, there's no harm in trying.
My New Hearing Aid:
So two days before Christmas last year I received my brand new bone conduction hearing aid, I can say I am simply blown away at the difference this has made.
Unlike the other hearing aid this one doesn't block out any other ranges that I can hear, instead it amplifies everything but it boosts the ranges where I struggle most to make it more level.
this is a massive bonus for me nothing has to actually go inside my ear, yea I have to wear a large headband and it requires a fair amount of pressure to work - but it really isn't that bad especially when compared to my last aid.
Another major difference to note is that the bone conduction doesn't just amplify sound on one side, the sound runs through my skull so both nerves can pick up the vibrations and hear.
I have found this can be really unsettling if I happen to block my ears I can now still hear perfectly, this is an extremely strange sensation and a generally odd experience for someone not used to hearing much at all.
I have to go back to the audiologist in on Tuesday for a final adjustment, I think I will request the volume to be increased on it a little bit further.
When I received the aid I kept asking her to turn it down it was just so intense I couldn't tolerate the drastic changes in volume, I have now gotten used to it and I think a little bit more would be perfect.
So far I am thrilled with how well the new aid works for me, there are so many things I am hearing that I have simply never heard before.
It has been a truly unique and amazing experience for me, I am overwhelmed by the difference this is making in my everyday life.
I had never realised how much I was missing out on until now, I feel so lucky to have this opportunity one that I had given up hope of long ago.
Whilst this hearing aid doesn't completely counter my entire hearing loss, it has been a massive help over all.
Technology has come so far, 15 years ago this style of hearing aid wasn't even an option for me and until I went back to the audiologist I had no idea there was such a thing as a bone conduction hearing aid.
I am really looking forward to seeing a new ENT doctor, who knows how far things have excelled with the medical options perhaps now they may be able to do something for me.
Either way right now I am stoked to have a hearing aid that actually helps me hear my beautiful kids sweet little voices, and that's enough for me.
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