Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence!
Domestic violence is an important topic that many people don't like to discuss. Men and women all over the world get beaten behind the scenes and can't speak up out of fear of judgement or retaliation. The sound of a woman's scream gets muted out by neighbors because they just don't want to get involved. Many people in a domestic violent relationship spend a lot of time trying think of a believable lie for the bruises all over their body. They miss family events because makeup just doesn't hide the bruises anymore. Winter is over and long sleeves shirts just don't hide the bruises anymore.
It is so easy to tell someone in an abusive relationship to just leave, isn't it? Because it is that easy, right? Don't you think if it was that easy, more people would leave their abusive partner?People stay out of fear of retaliation. There are woman who get murdered because they tried to leave. About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence. There are women who get beaten worse than they ever have been because they try to leave. According to Domestic Abuse Shelter of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.
Is it worth the risk to have your life on the line if you leave? Maybe it is considering your life is on the line anyway....
I mostly say woman in this post but men get physically abused as well. 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence. Some of them get abused because they have abused a woman for so long and she is tired of it, sometimes their partner does it for no reason at all. Domestic violence does not discriminate.
My relationship before the one I am in now was a violent one. I have been smacked, punched, kicked, choked, pushed, been thrown and dragged by my hair and so so much more. I have scars all over my body to remind me of the blood that was drawn due to domestic violence. It's okay though because I deserved it all, right? Or at least that is what victims of domestic violence are told.
A man or woman will leave the violent relationship only when they are ready. When the abuse can not be taken any longer and the risk of staying is finally far greater than the risk of leaving. They will leave when the children start to truly get involved, when children have to witness the abuse and listen to the screams. Domestic violence is never the answer. I'm all for standing up for yourself if someone hits you first but honestly, no man or woman should ever have a hand laid on them in an abusive way no matter what the situation is.
I want to break this domestic violence discussion up into three parts -
Part 1 - The Warning Signs
Part 2 - The Effects Of Domestic Violence On The Entire Family. (This will mainly be a discussion about the effects domestic violence has on children.)
Part 3 - How To Cope With Life After Abuse
Part 1- The Warning Signs
You're in a new relationship and you are just head over heels. The butterflies are fluttering in your stomach and your heart skips a beat everytime you see them. Shortly after you start dating, you begin getting questioned about every little thing. Why were you 3 minutes late clocking out of work? Is there really a need for any person of the opposite sex to be friends with you on Facebook? You smiled at that cashier, why?
They tell you that they love you so much. They are simply just afraid of losing you. No one else should have your attention in anyway because no one will ever love you or care about you more than them. You stay because they convinced you it was all out of love. They love you so much that it makes them a little crazy. Time goes on and you stayed with them because the jealousy was masked for love. You wanted to feel loved and god damnit if that wasn't what you got.
Months pass by and you get into your first real argument. The phone is snatched from your hand, thrown across the room and the screen is shattered . The fist gets punched through the wall and the candle gets smashed into a million pieces. Now you have a broken phone, a hole in the wall and tears flow down your face as you pick up the glass from the candle. Its okay though because they will tell you how sorry they are a million times. It's only because they love you...
You have started to see friends and family less and less as time goes on. It just isn't worth the hassle of dealing with your partner's negativity. At some point though you have got to get out of the house and interact with others. You go to lunch with a friend. You haven't seen them in so long and you get busy catching up. Your phone was in your pocket, 30 minutes into lunch...uh oh, you're in trouble. You see that you have 56 text messages and 23 missed phone calls. Wow, did someone die? Oh no, that is just your partner telling you that you must be out cheating because you didn't text back right away.
Your lunch is ruined and so is the few moments of peace you had. You get home and now you are being questioned by what seems like the FBI. Your body is checked over and your phone is searched. You didn't answer the phone so there is absolutely no way you were doing what you said. You just got grabbed and slammed up against the wall. You now have your first set of bruises, they look like fingerprints on both sides of your arms. You say you're going to leave but now your partner says that they will commit suicide because they can't live without you. You believe it and stay because you don't want them to die because of you.
This story isn't exactly my situation but it is a general story of how abuse starts, I want this discussion to be realistic so that people truly understand domestic violence and so that other victims can notice the signs and leave the abusive partner before they become another statistic.
The story shows warning signs in the beginning of an abusive relationship. This shows a few red flags to lookout for. This is the part that I want to tell all men and women in the entire world to leave the relationship if you see these red flags. Forgiving someone for a few may be okay but as you see in the story, it does get worse. Part 2 will show what it is like when you ignore the red flags. The next story in Part 2 will tell you all about the actual abuse.
Warning Signs -
- Jealousy
- Controlling
- Isolation
- Blames Others
- Easily Insulted
- Verbally Abusive
- Threats Of Violence
- Throwing Objects
An abusive person may not have every trait on the list and a non abusive person may have one of the traits. Use your better judgement and look at the bigger picture of your situation.
If you would like to talk to someone and see if your partner has abusive traits or if you are in an abusive relationship and need help escaping, please visit the domestic violence website or call at 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Español)
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