Welcome to On the Plus Side #12!
Todays On the Plus Side is again a double up with the Power of Positivity Contest that is run by @karenmckersie. This is an excellent weekly competition. If you want to get involved in this excellent competition check out the tag #popcontest.
Should I buy that sports car and find a young blonde lady to spend time with?
Many people have the perception that a mid-life crisis is a terrible thing to experience. And they're partly right. The lead up to a mid-life crisis can be a very difficult and sometimes traumatic time. However what results following the crisis is often positive, and not at all what the stereotype would have us believe.
The stereotype that I am talking about is the one where a man, experiencing a mid-life crisis, attempts to reclaim his youth by buying a sports car and tries vainly to pick up young ladies. It would be a lie to say that this doesn't happen from time to time, however what really happens to many people is very different from this.
In my opinion (and I should stress that this is my opinion), a mid-life crisis is not at all like this. In fact, I don't even really believe that the mid-life crisis is real. From what I have read and have personally experienced, some form of crisis appears to occur at around the age of 30 to 50 years old. However I don't think this is a mid-life crisis. I think this is more of a period of self evaluation, that is often triggered by a traumatic or significant event
A mid-life crisis to me is a time where you are reflecting on your life, and realising that you want more from it. It's even possible that a crisis like this can occur at any stage of your life. But from what I understand, it generally arrives when you feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled or you are placed in a position to seriously evaluate your mortality. I've experienced this twice throughout my life and on both occasions the event resulted in some serious changes in my life.
Where did the idea of a mid-life crisis come from?
The concept of the midlife crisis originated in the early 1960s. Elliott Jaques (a psychologist) was studying famous artists such as Mozart, Raphael and Gaugin and discovered a common trait. When the artists reached their mid-thirties, their creative output suffered. Some of them became depressed and a few even committed suicide. But it didn't end there, he also observed a very similar pattern among his own clients. The theory of a mid-life crisis was well accepted right up until the late 1970s.
The National Institute of Ageing found that only one third of Americans over age of 50 claimed to have experienced a mid-life crisis. Half of these people attributed their crises to "inner turmoil and angst associated with getting older," while the remainder of participants claimed that the crisis was attributed to a traumatic event outside their control, such as a divorce or death of a family member.
Studies have shown however, that happiness declines throughout middle age. As we enter our 30s to 50s, our happiness appears to decline. This doesn't mean that we're hating our lives during this time, however our overall happiness dips and doesn't return until we find a good level of satisfaction with our lives. This seems to be a bit of a generalisation to me but, from my experience, there seems to be some truth to it.
My thoughts, are that as we age and gain life experience, certain events can cause us to self evaluate and "take stock" of our lives. I have had two occasions where this happened in my life. And I'll discuss these events below.
Crisis No. 1
My first crisis came when I realised that my work was dulling my mind and that I hadn't achieved anything of substance in my life. At the time I was earning a living working as a labourer in vineyards and doing small gardening and landscaping jobs for clients that I found through word of mouth. My work was mundane, meaningless, and not at all mentally stimulating. I didn't have a career, and the days were dragging on endlessly.
I felt frustrated, trapped and my confidence was at an all time low. The deep feeling of dissatisfaction caused me to end my employment, complete a science degree at university, and completely change my career. This was a drastic move, but it resulted in many positive changes in my life. All of a sudden, I was challenging myself intellectually, I had surrounded myself with intelligent and motivating people, I met my amazing wife, and my degree led to a challenging and exciting career. I've started writing posts about the beginning of my career as an environmental scientist recently, feel free to take a look at these.
Crisis No. 2
My second crisis was even more extreme and arrived when I was in my mid-30's. After working in the mining industry for close to 10 years I had become jaded, and extremely dissatisfied with how my work was valued. No matter how hard I worked, I hadn't ever received thanks for my efforts. And my field of work was looked upon with an incredibly negative point of view. All environmental staff on mine sites were viewed as a waste of money, despite the fact that I had kept the Government regulators off the mining companies backs for many years.
At the same time, I was going through a very challenging time in my personal life. My best friend had recently passed away (I wrote about this experience in this post), and my grandfather and favourite aunt also passed away at around the same time. Going to three funerals in one year was not an easy thing to do. Speaking at my best friends funeral was also one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And quite heart breaking. And of course, going to three funerals gives you a lot of motivation to evaluate your own life and take stock of everything you have and what you need to do to become truly happy and satisfied again.
As a result of this self evaluation, I realised just how meaningless my career had become and frustrated with the lifestyle I was living. And so I did what any rational person would do in this situation (did I say rational?). I bought a gym. This was quite simply the most dramatic decision I have ever made. And it almost broke me financially. The life lessons that I gained from the experience however were amazing. This crisis led to the most rewarding experience of my life, and even though the financial hardship has been a real struggle, the emotional and intellectual reward has been well worth it. I've spoken about this experience in couple of posts already though, so I won't go into more detail here.
A mid-life crisis - even though it probably isn't a mid-life crisis - is healthy
So, while the mid-life crisis probably isn't a real thing, we can expect that from the age of around 30 to 50, we'll be motivated in one form or another to "take stock" of our lives and make whatever changes we need to make to bring about a higher level of satisfaction and happiness. This makes sense to me. And I think it is a very healthy thing to do.
It is very important to self evaluate every once in a while to make sure that you are satisfied with your life and not just "existing". Happiness comes when you are doing things that bring you satisfaction. This may come in the form of hobbies, your work, or simply being able to spend valuable time with your loved ones.
And while it is often a sad or challenging event that leads to a period of self evaluation, the self evaluation is an opportunity to make some positive changes in your life. And many people that go through this do make extremely positive changes. My second crisis, for example, led me to step out of my comfort zone and into business ownership. That forced me to develop as a person well beyond what I thought I was capable of, and it actually brought my wife and I closer together since I was now in a position where I had to learn and develop my ability to show empathy to the clients that I now work with on a daily basis. And I was now capable of more effectively expressing empathy in my personal relationships (my wife used to call me a robot to give you some context).
Have you experienced something similar? I'd love to read your stories in the comments
All SBD from this series will be donated to The Smith Family who support underprivileged children in their education. So upvote and resteem away!
Funds Raised for The Smith Family to Date!
| Month | Amount (SBD) | Amount (USD) | Target (USD) |
|---|---|---|---|
| December | 12.806 | 86.57 | 500 |
All funds are stored in my savings wallet until our donation target is reached. I've increased the donation target to $500 as of Jan 2 2018 in order to allow for a reasonable donation amount after transaction fees.
The recent decline in SBD value has caused a significant drop in value of my savings.
I’ve created the tag #plusside so if you want to read all positive and fun stories I write for this series simply check this tag. And don't forget, all SBD from these posts is donated to a fantastic Australian charity - The Smith Family - so don't be shy with your up votes! Every bit helps!
Sources and useful reading:
Is the mid-life crisis even real?
The mid-life crisis doesn't exist
Mayfly Mid-Life Crisis Image
Tony Robbins Quote
